Transcripts - Number One
Global Justice Alliance

Transcripts - Number One


Episode Number One
Language English
Type Closed Captioning
Date Written Unknown
Author Hazuki
Author Comments Not Available
Wordcount 2937


Girls: M-A-D D-O-G
That's how we spell victory
Go, Mad Dogs
Go, go, Mad Dogs
Go, Mad Dogs
Go, go, Mad Dogs
Kim: We're number one!

Kim: Okay! Great practice, team.

Bonnie: Kim, can we chat?
Kim: Sure, Bonnie. I have time for anyone on the squad. What's
your ish?
Bonnie: Well, it's really your ish. You seem tired.
Kim: I did fly in from Abu Dhabi this morning. Rescued an
Bonnie: Which is... nice, but you gotta ask yourself, did you give
the squad 110% today?

Kim: 120%, Bonnie.
Bonnie: I happen to think the squad deserves a captain who gives...
like, 130!
Kim: Someone like...?
Bonnie: Me!
Kim: Look, if you wanna makea play for captain, take it to the
squad. If they want Bonnie instead of Kim, super for Bonnie.

Bonnie: Go ahead, be little miss smug-mug, but I will be squad

Kim: I can't believe this!
Ron: Believe it, K.P. they're cutting back on beans.
Kim: ( Frustrated sigh )

Rufus: ( Cooing, yawning )
Ron: Rufus, I want an an alysisof this burrito, stat.
Rufus: Yum!
Ron: Nothing invasive, just take a look around. I want a cheese-
bean ratio.

Rufus: Mmm-hmm!
Kim: Ron! Have you been listening to a word I've said?
Ron: "Bonnie has the nerve to challenge me, after all I've done
for the squad? After all I've done for her? I can't believe
this!" Close quote.
Kim: ( Slurping )

Ron: Now, were you listening to my burrito problem?
% Rufus burps.
Ron: Hey!
Rufus: ( Groaning ) Mmm, burrito!

Kim: Bonnie's just wasting her time. She doesn't stand a chance.

Ron: Be careful, Kim. She's tricky. Expect it to get dirty.
Kim: ( Shrieking )
Ron: Kim?

Kim: Hey!
% Sizzling.

Kim: Let me out! Let me out...! Okay, what's the sitch?
Dr Director: Kim possible. Welcome.
Kim: Welcome to where?
Dr Director: To the Global Justice Network.
Kim: GJ? No way!

Dr Director: Affirmative "way." I'm Dr. Director, head of GJ.
% Hissing.
Dr Director: This is Will Do, our number one agent. Follow me.

Dr Director: This is Professor Sylvan Green. In the 1960s, he
developed a top secret missile defense project.
Kim: The Sirenita Guided Missile Tracking System.

Dr Director: Where did you getthat information?
Kim: Off the web.
Dr Director: Oh. ( Clears throat ) Uh... This is Professor Green
currently. Retired. Place of residence: Florida.
Kim: And now he's disappeared.

Dr Director: Yes. Was that on the internet, too?
Kim: No, that was a guess.
Dr Director: Kim, what would you say to helping agent Do find Green?
Kim: Does agent Do talk?
Will: 14 languages, 32 regional dialects.

Kim: That's cool. I'm taking French. Um, this is a
ferociously bad time for me. There's this girl at
school, a major "all that" type, and really...
Will: Dr. Director. Permission to speak freely.
Dr Director: Granted.
Will: This is an insult. I am a highly trained
professional! She's... She's... an amateur!

Kim: Okay... I'm in.
Dr Director: Kim Possible, agent Do, good luck.

Ron: Man, I thought for sure Bonnie had taken you out of the
Kim: Oh, please. She didn't even show up for practice.
Will: Miss possible, are you ready to assist me in my investigation?

Kim: "Assist you"? No. Work with youas an equal, yeah.
Ron: Yo-ha, bro-ha.
% Zapping.
Ron: ( Sighing )

Kim: What did you do to him?
Will: Stopwatch. Temporary paralysis. Standard procedure for
anyone who comes within one meter of me.
Kim: Oh, poor Rufus!
Will: Note: Subject seems to keep hairless rodent in pant pocket.
Kim: His name is Rufus, and he's a naked mole rat, Mr. I-know-

Will: Ah. Heterocephilus glaber.
Kim: Latin. Oy!
Ron: Yo-ha, bro-ha!
% Eastern flute.
% Warrior yell.
( Cracking neck )

Ron: Right back at ya, dude.
Kim: Come on, you two.

Bonnie: Hi, K.
Kim: Missed you at practice, B.
Bonnie: I launched our new fundraiser.

Kim: What? Fundraiser?
Bonnie: I know your "world-saving" keeps you busy and all. You
think maybe you could sell a box?
Kim: Oh, chocolates. I could sell a box easy.
Bonnie: Super.

% Horn honking.
Bonnie: Hoping to sell a few myself. Later.

Kim: You know, she's only kidding herself. There's no way she's
gonna sell all that. Let's just get on with the mission.
Ron: Wait, K.P. Am I the only one taking the Bonnie problem
Kim: The Bonnie problem is really no big.
Ron: Kim, we cannot ignore the chocolate challenge.

Kim: "We"?
Ron: I'm here for you. Use me!
Kim: As what?
Ron: I'm a natural born seller. I have the gift of gab. Here.
Allow me to demonstrate.

Ron: Good day, sir. You look like a gentleman who enjoys the finer
things in life. And what could be better than 1.9 ounces of
rich, creamy chocolate? I got plain. Crispy? Peanut?
Macadamia! It's for a good cause. cheerleaders. You like
cheerleaders, don't ya?

Ron: That's a bad example. No one can sell to that stiff.

% Cash register ringing.
Rufus: Whoo!
Ron: Except him. But he's naked.

Kim's Mom: Hi, Kimmy. Who's your new friend?
Will: Agent Will Do, ma'am. It's an honor to meet you,
Dr. Possible.
Kim's Mom: You know me?

Will: Your recent paper on the application of lasers and
subcranial exploration was fascinating. And the
photograph did not do you justice.
Kim's Mom: Invite him over more often.
Kim: Mom, I've got to find a missing scientist.
Kim's Mom: Good luck, Kimmy. Have fun, kids.

Kim: Wade, did you get the data?

Wade: Got it. A holographic simulation of the missing professor's
Ron: Cool! Hey, Rufus.Wade's gone 3-D.
Rufus: Hmm... ( Gasping )

Will: I already examinedthe crime scene.

Kim: I haven't. Wade, enlarge the point of entry.
% Whooshing.
Rufus: Whoa!
Kim: Explosive method of entry. What's that?
Wade: Can't tell. I'll isolate and enlarge.

Kim: Good, now let's tryto fill in the blanks.
Wade: Running extrapolation routine.

Ron: A golf ball?
Will: Professor Green was retired. Many retired people golf.
Kim: Wade, does Professor Green show up in any online discussion

Wade: Oh, yeah. Gardening, botany, experimental fertilizers. His
lawn won the Blue Grass Ribbon three years in a row!
Will: Goodbye, Wade. This is pointless. The man was obviously
captured for his weapon system expertise.
Kim: He was a weapons expert in the '60s. You can look up what he
knows in the library.
Will: Working with an amateur is clearly a waste of my time.
Kim: I haven't even told you about the other trace element
I detected at the scene.

Will: What is it?
Kim: Hyperactic acid, an experimental fertilizer. Black market
Ron: Souds like we need to visit the world headquarters for black
market gardening supplies. Which would be where?

% Sitar music.
Kim: If it's illegal, they sell it here.
Ron: Forget sellers. We need buyers! Ya gotta move this
merchandise to keep up with Bonnie.

Kim: Bonnie is so not a threat. Come on.

Kim: That's Big Daddy Brotherson. Every deal that goes down has
his fingerprints all over it.
% Spitting.
Ron: Those are some big fingers.
Will: Excuse me, amateurs.

Will: Are you Big Daddy?

Big D: That depends.
Will: I've got no time for games.
Big D: That's too bad. I was going to suggest you and my friend
play thud.
Will: "Thud"?
% Clapping.

% Shattering.
Will: Ow!

Big D: ( Laughing ) I love that game.
Kim: And I love it when I find out what I need to know. Like
who's been in the market for hyperactic acid?
Big D: Miss, we have one rule in this establishment: Client
confidentiality. ( Gasping, sniffing ) Is that... milk
Kim: ( Inhales deeply ) with chewy nougat.

Kim: Duff Killigan.
Ron: Who's that?
Will: My GJ mobile database will tell us all about Killigan.
Standard issue for all top agents.
Kim: Kimmunicator. Extra special. Just for me.
% Beeping.

Kim: Duff Killigan. Born: Scotland.
Will: Former professional golfer.
Ron: Uh... Guys?
Will: Banned from every golf course in the world, even mini golf.
Kim: For excessive displays of temper.

Duff: Fore!

Ron: Guys?
Kim: Weapon of choice...
Will: Exploding golf balls.
% Ball beeps.

Ron: ( Gasping )
% Explosion.
Ron: Rufus, are you okay?
Rufus: Okay!
Ron: Hey! You're paying for that.

Will: It all fits. The exploded golf ball at the crime scene.
The attack on us. Killigan's our man.
Kim: Gee, ya think? Wade, we're after a rogue golfer named Duff
Killigan. We need a locationon his lair.
Wade: Did you say "rogue golfer"?
Kim: I know. Weird. Okay. I'm gonna go back to Middleton. See
if Bonnie sold any of her chocolate.

Kim: You sold them all?!
Bonnie: To quote our previous squad captain, "no big."
Kim: I'm not "previous" yet.
Tara: Thanks to Bonnie, we got new uniforms! Aren't they bad-

Bonnie: Better suit up, Kim. We're working on a new cheer.
Kim: Don't tell me what to do. Wait... what new cheer?
Bonnie: Mine. Bonnie does not work this hard. Something is up.

Ron: Hey, Will, watch this. ( Gulping ) Pretty cool, huh?

Will: If by "cool," you mean utterly repulsive, then yes, quite
cool indeed.
Rufus: ( Gulping, giggling )
Ron: Nice one! So, can I ask you a question?

Will: If you must.
Ron: Do you do normal stuff, like go to school?
Will: I'm tutored by some of the world's greatest minds.
Ron: Tutored, huh? No shame in that. Even I needed a little
extra help in math freshman year.
Will: It's not because I'm remedial!

Ron: Dude, it's cool.
Will: You obviously don't understand.
% Kimmunicator beeps.
Ron: That'd be Wade. Better get Kim.
Will: ( Growling ) I'm not remedial!

Bonnie: In case you're wondering, that's what giving 150% looks
Kim: Careful, Bonnie. I hear when you hit 160, you
spontaneously combust.
Ron: K.P., we got a locationon Duff Killigan.
Bonnie: Don't worry, Kim. I'll handle everything here.
Kim: ( Growling ) Let's go.

Kim: Bonnie is not this good. How could she have come up with
that cheer?
Ron: Somebody's tweaked.
Kim: Am not. Wade, we need a ride.
Wade: What tweaked you?
Kim: I am not tweaked. Ride!

% Engine roars.
Kim: Wade, how did you get...? Oh.
Will: The GJ hoverjet. Standard issue for all... top agents.
Will: Ladies first.
Kim: Thanks.

% Bagpipes play.

Ron: There it is. Killigan's island!
Ron: What?

Will: Killigan must want Green to build a missile system.
Kim: I don't think so. Green's green thumb's the key.
Ron: Okay, now, see that door? That just screams dungeon.

Both: Good call.

Kim: Killigan captures Professor Green, then he buys a ton of
hyperactic acid. Which, by the way, Professor Green was
experimenting with. Award-winning lawn!
Ron: You mean, dude's invented some sort of super grass?

% Rustling.
% Barking.
Ron: There's something you don't see everyday.
Kim: Ron, Will, quick! I found Professor Green. Professor Green,
are you all right?

% Muffled screaming.
Ron: Hang on.
% Buzzing.

Green: ( Sighing, coughing ) Thank you. Killigan trapped me in my
own super fast-growing grass.
Kim: Super grass. Huh. Really?

Will: Professor Green, I'm agent Will Do. We need to debrief on
any weapon secrets Killigan may have acquired.
Green: Based on my work? He could find out anything he wanted
about my weapons work in a public library.
Will: Oh.
Ron: Bonus question: What does Killigan want with super grass?
Duff: Ooh! Ooh! I know! I know!

Kim: Duff Killigan is planning on covering the world in grass to
create one giant golf course.
Duff: My own personal golf course, lassie.
Will: That's insane!
Duff: Ooh, just see if you get tee time.
% Slamming.

Kim: Ah, ah! Ladies first.
% Zapping, sizzling.

Duff: I knew you were good, lassie.
% Will grunts.
Duff: Him I'm not so sure about.
Kim: Mr. Killigan, put down the golf clubs.

Duff: You'll have to pry them out of my cold, dead hands, you will.
% Balls whizzing.

Duff: Oh, what a beautiful slice!

Duff: You ruined my coat of arms!
Kim: I'll put back what belongs to you when you put back what
belongs to Professor Green.
Duff: I cannot do it. I got plans for that formula!

% Clanging.

Duff: I'd love to play a round of sudden death, but I can't let the
grass grow beneath my feet... yet.
Ron: Suddenly, the whole world is full of holes that people just
whoosh away in.
Kim: Come on, he's getting away!

Kim: There he is!

Will: We've got toget to the hoverjet.

Kim: Will... Wait!
Will: What? He's getting away!
Kim: You've got to be more careful. Killigan probably has the
place booby-trapped.
Ron: Try sand-trapped!

% Sludging.

Ron: Okay, whenever you two are ready.
Will: What are you talking about?
Ron: You both have a plan. So the sooner you guys fight over
who has the best plan, the sooner we get outta here.

Kim: Your hoverjet. It must have a remote command module or
Will: Right. The RCM.
Ron: Kim shoots, she scores! So where is this RCM?
Will: I, uh, left it in the hoverjet.
Rufus: ( Whining )

Kim: Rufus won't sinkin the quicksand.
Rufus: ( Grunting, chittering )
Kim: Oh, I am so in the zone.
Will: Impressive... for an amateur.

Rufus: Huh?
Ron: This actually feels kinda nice. Rufus!

Will: Nice work, rodent.
% Beeping.
% Jet engine roars.
% Beeps.
Kim: Ladies first.
Will: Why must she constantly irk me?

Ron: It's hard not to. You're very irkable.

Will: Professor, did Killigan...
Kim: You! Keep your eyes on the road!
Ron: So Prof, any ideas about Killigan's target?
Green: Oh, yes, he intends to strike at the first country where he
was banned from a golf course: Japan.

% Screaming.
% Hysteria.

Duff: ( Laughing )
% Low rumbling.
Duff: ( Maniacal cackling ) It's brilliant!

Kim: Killigan! Stop!
Duff: Nay! Not until the whole Pacific Rim is my driving range!
( Crazed laughter )

Will: Stupid, stupid will!
Ron: Play it off, dude. Kim can handle the grass man.

Will: No. Prepare to eject.
Rufus: ( Gasping )
Ron: Okay, where do I sit...
% Ron, Rufus screaming.

% Booming.

Ron: Ow!

Kim: ( Panting )
Duff: ( Giggles ) No one can dodge my short game!
% Pinging.

Duff: What, are you daft, man?
Ron: Maybe you gotta set it for local time.

% Ball whistling.
Kim: Ha! You missed!
Duff: It's a wedge, lassie. It's got a backspin! ( Laughing )

% Explosion.
Ron: Kim!
Kim: ( Grunting ) Huh.

Duff: You're in trouble now, lassie.
Kim: No, I'm not. You are.

Duff: And how would that be?
Kim: You've got dandelions.
Duff: ( Scoffs ) A wee weed?
Kim: Sure. But see every one of these little cottony things?
They're seeds, every one of them.

Duff: Aye? So?
Kim: So, make a wish.
Duff: Oh, no!

Duff: ( Spitting ) You're through now, lassie. Get this weed out
of me mouthie!

Kim: Should we have him arrested, or mowed?
Will: I'll have GJ send in a defoliation team.
Ron: Or you could just give the neighbor kid five bucks.
Will: Humor. Amusing.
Rufus: ( Giggling )

Kim: Okay, bye, nice to meet you. Gotta get home to have another
thorn removed from my side.

% Killigan screaming.
% Beeping, zapping.
Kim: Thanks. I gotta get one of those stopwatches.
Will: Miss Possible... Uh, Kimberly... I owe you... an apology.
Kim: I'm glad you're a big enough person to admit it.
Will: You were of much assistance to me on this mission.

Kim: Assistance? Did you not pay attention to anything that
Will: Farewell, Kim Possible.

Kim: I do not believe that guy! He won't even consider that maybe
someone else deserves some credit. Maybe somebody else is as
good as him.
Ron: Maybe better.
Kim: Yes!
Ron: We should get back to Middleton.

Kim: You know, how hard is it to admit that somebody else is doing
a great job?
Ron: Seriously, Kim, we've gotta get back. You've got that whole
Bonnie thing.
Kim: Oh, and Bonnie? When will she just give it up? The
fundraiser, the uniforms, the "new cheer."
Ron: K.P...
Kim: You're right, Ron. We gotta go.

Tara: Uh, I really think we should wait for Kim before we decide
who's gonna be captain.
Bonnie: ( Groans ) She's gonna be, like, forever. I want this
captaon thing decided now!
Kim: Relax, Bonnie. I'm back.
Bonnie: Let's do it.

Kim: Fine by me. I... vote for Bonnie as the new captain.
Bonnie: You do?
Kim: Well, the fundraising, the awesome uniforms and that new
cheer? I've gotta admit, you rock.
Bonnie: Really?
Kim: So, all in favor of Bonnie?

Girls: All right, Bonnie! Way to go!

Kim: You've worked really hard for this.
Bonnie: Yes! Glad that's over.
Kim: Bonnie, you're the captain now! You do realize the hard
work's just beginning?
Bonnie: You're kidding, right?

Kim: You know, suddenly I couldn't be happier for you.
Ron: Captain Bonnie.
Bonnie: I've gotta keep working hard?! This is so unfair!

Ron: You count on the fact she'll only last a month?
Kim: I give her two weeks, tops.