Transcripts - Pain King vs. Cleopatra
Global Justice Alliance

Transcripts - Pain King vs. Cleopatra


Episode Pain King vs. Cleopatra
Language English
Type Closed Captioning
Date Written Unknown
Author Hazuki
Author Comments Not Available
Wordcount 2899


Guys#1: ( Chant ) Pain! Pain! Pain!
Ron: They're getting closer, KP!

Kim: This way!
Rufus: Oh! Yoo-hoo! Look out!

Kim: Ron, over here! I think we lost 'em.
Ron: ( Sighs )

% Barks ferociously.
Ron: Tainted slobber!

% Both gasp.
Guys#2: ( chant ) Steel! Steel! Steel!
Ron: Come on!

Ron: ( Grunts )
Ron: We'll never make it!
Kim: There's gotta be another way in!
Guys#1: ( Chant ) Pain! Pain! Pain!

Kim: Going up.
Ron: Come on, Kim. We've got to get inside. Oh!
Ron: Aaaaaah!
Guys: Whoa!
% Thumping.

[ Inside the Middleton Mole ]
Kim: Ow!
Kim: Next time we come to the mall let's stick to the main entrance,

[ Middleton Mole ]

Kim: You know, I usually like to go home and change after a mission.
Ron: No time for that, KP!
Kim: OK, Why?
Ron: The first 100 fans not be trampled get a free GWA-tour T-shirt!
Kim: GWA?
Ron: How can you not know the Global Wrestling Association? It's
always the most excellent sporting organisation in the world!
Steel Toe rules! Yeah!

Fans: ( chant ) Pain! Pain! Pain!
Kim: All this just because some wrestlers are making a mall
Ron: Not just some. Pain King and Steel Toe! Pain King's got a
bionic eye. Don't even think about looking into it. Or
you'll writhe on the floor in total pain.
Kim: And I suppose Steel Toe actually has steel toes.

Ron: No, that's just a publicity gimmick. They're more like
titanium, actually! A freak industrial accident.
Rufus: Yeah!
Kim: Right.

Jackie: Listen up, Middleton! ( Chuckles ) Are you ready for

All: Yeah!
Jackie: Are you ready for head-bumping, chest-thumping, back-
breaking, ground-shaking confrontation?
Ron: Yeah, baby!
Kim: Is that the main guy?
Ron: Hah, no! That's Jackie Oaks. Founder of the GWA.

Jackie: Now here's a little secret. These two world-class athletes
that I'm about to bring out...
% All cheer.
Jackie: ...hate each other's guts!
% All cheer.
Jackie: Here's... Pain King!
All: ( chant ) Pain! Pain! Pain!

Jackie: And Steel Toe!
All: ( chant ) Steel! Steel! Steel!
Ron: Drop 'em, Steel!
Kim: OK, I'm in the mole and I'm not shopping. What's wrong
with this picture?

Ron: Wait, wait, wait! Wrestling is more than two guys beating
on each other! It's also a war of words.

Pain King: You are going down!
Steel Toe: No, you're going down!
Pain King: No, you're going down!
Steel Toe: No, you're going down!

Kim: Yeah, they're poets. Look, Club Banana's doing a tie-in with
the museum's Cleopatra's Closet exhibit. That's where I'll be.

[ Club Banana ]

Kim: Hello, civilization!
Monique: Oh, my gosh! How much do you love Cleo's cargos?!
Kim: Way much!
Both: Do you have them in Caesar green?
Both: Jinx!

Kim: You owe me a soda!

[ GWA stage ]
Pain King: It makes me sick to look at you!
Steel Toe: You will be so much sicker when I stomp you with cold,
hard, steel!
Pain King: Let's go, right here, right now!

% All cheer.
Jackie: Now, now, boys! Save it for Mayhem in Middleton!
( Chuckles ) Good seats still available, folks! Eh? Eh?
Pain King: You're going down!
Jackie: Hey! Hey! Oh! Break it up there. Break it up there!
Oh! Ow!
Audience: Come on!
Let's go!
Watch it!

% All yell.

[ Club Banana ]
Monique: Do you belong to our Club Banana Club?
Kim: Charter member!
Monique: Kim Possible?! I thought it was the stuff you do is so amazing!

Kim: Ahh, it's no big. But thanks.
Monique: I'm Monique. Just moved here.
Kim: Cool. Where'd you go to school?
Monique: Middleton High.
Kim: Me, too!

Monique: I start Monday!
Kim: You totally have to let me show you around!
Monique: Deal!
% Yelling.

Ron: Oooooh! Kim!

Kim: See you at school!

Kim: Excuse me!
Kim: Pardon me!

Jackie: Honey, that was some performance. Have you ever think
about career in professional wrestling?
Kim: So not!
Jackie: ( Chuckles ) I'll tell ya what, here's two tickets to
Mayhem in Middleton. Enjoy yourself on Jackie.

Ron: These are backstage passes. You get to go backstage! You
got a backstage passes where the backstage is!
Kim: And hang out with some guy named Steel Cage?!
Ron: Ah, KP, Steel Toe is a guy. Steel cage is, well, a cage.
Kim: You take 'em.
Ron: You can't just give them away! You know what these are
worth? ...OK, give 'em to me.

Ron: Hey, let's go back to your house and watch wrestling so we get
psyched to watch wrestling!
Kim: Not tonight. I'm going to the Cleopatra's Closet exhibit at
the Middleton Art Museum. It's a special preview for Club
Banana frequent buyers.
Ron: You'd rather see some dead queen's clothes than watch Steel
Toe's Night of 100 Bruises with me?
Kim: My answer would have to be... hello? Yeah. See ya!
Ron: Cleopatra! Like anybody's gonna remember her ten years from
now! Hah!

[ Middleton Art Museum ]

Monique: Hey, Kim!
Kim: Monique! I should've known you'd be here!
Monique: Exclusive preview! The queen's accessories! Girl, It is
all good! I love your pants!
Kim: And you, very Cleo!

Guide: Good evening. If you'll follow me, It's my pleasure to
welcome you to this special Club Banana preview of Cleopatra's

Guard: ( Muffled ) Mmm!
Guide: Oh, my goodness!
Kim: Call security and stay together. Wade, trouble at the
Middleton museum. Can you tap the security-cam?
Wade: Tapping.

Kim: ( Gasps )

[ Roof of Middleton Art Museum ]
Kim: Hmmm.
Kim: ( Gasps )

Kim: You are so busted!

[ Possibles' residence ]
Ron: Whoo-hoo! Toes of steel!
Tim: Pain King's down!

Jim: Duh! Pain King never beats Steel Toe!

Kim: Ron, you won't believe what happened tonight!
Boys: Shhh!
% Pager beeps.
Kim: What's the sitch, Wade?
Boys: Shhh!

Kim: Sorry, Wade. Go ahead.
Wade: The only thing stolen was a small talisman. It was a gift to
Cleopatra from the high priest of Anubis, the jackal-headed
Egyptian deity of mummification.
Kim: A mummy?! Gross! I bet she would've rather had nice
Wade: Don't be so sure! This talisman was supposedly enchanted.
Kim: Oh, come on! Who would believe that?

Wade: Maybe that glowing guy on the roof.
Kim: Good point! What's it supposed to do?
Wade: Super-human strength!
Kim: Oh, great. Well, at least it's not immortality, I guess!
Thanks, Wade.

TV: Chicago. We'll be right back.

Ron: So? How are the queen's old cloth?
Kim: I barely got to see them! Right after I met Monique the
museum was robbed by some glowing headed animal guy.
Ron: That's nice! Wait a minute, who's Monique?
Kim: New friend. Really great! Anyway, the thief stole an
enchanted ancient talisman.

Ron: Whoa, whoa! Back up! How can I not know about a new friend?
Kim: I met her at Club Banana. Then again at the museum before
I chased the glowing robber.
Ron: So what's she like?
Kim: The robber?
Ron: The friend, Kim! The new friend!

Kim: Ron, focus! There's a glowing guy running around Middleton
with some kind of super-natural powers.
Ron: OK, OK. Why don't we hit Bueno Nacho and you can fill me in.
Kim: No, thanks. Monique and I stopped for Smoothies on the way
Rufus: ( Gasps )

[ Bueno Nacho ]

Ron: Smoothies? Since when does Kim drink Smoothies?!
Rufus: Mmm, Smoothies!
Ron: Seeing a pattern here, Rufus. Kim does her thing, I do my
thing, and pretty soon we're doing different things.
Rufus: Uh-oh!
Ron: Maybe I'm just blowing this whole Monique thing out of
proportion. I bet tomorrow everying's back to normal!

Rufus: Hmm-mmm!

[ Front door of Possibles' residence ]
Ron: Good morning, Mrs. Dr. Possible. Is Kim ready for
Rufus: Hi!
Kim's Mom: You missed her, Ron. I think she said something about
meeting Monique.

Ron: Monique?
Kim's Mom: Oh! I'm gonna be late for my cranial bypass. Say hi
to your folks!
Rufus: Ohhhh!

[ Cafeteria at Middleton High ]
Kim: Once I was saving this desert prince from some stupid
death squad. And the back of my skirt was totally caught
my underwear the whole time!

Monique: No way!
Kim: I could've died! And he almost dead.
Ron: Hello, ladies!
Kim: Ron! What are you doing here?
Ron: Can I dine with my best friend and her new friend?

Kim: Ron, Monique and vice versa.
Ron: Bear claw?
Monique: No, thanks. I'm a vegetarian!
Ron: I'm pretty sure it's imitation bear.
Kim: She's joking, Ron!

Ron: Good one! ( Laughs ) Good one! So, did Kim tell you that
I'm her sidekick cos that role's definitely taken by me.
Monique: Right, well, you know, I'd better get to class. Later,
Kim. Um, nice meeting you, Ron.
Ron: Likewise, I'm sure.

Kim: What is your problem? You're acting really weird!

Ron: Well, let's see. You went to the museum with Monique, not me.
Monique was with you this morning, not me. Hmm, pattern?!
Kim: Yeah. You... weird!
Ron: No, we're drifting apart because you're excluding me!
Kim: I am not excluding you! It's just you and Monique are...
Ron: Oh, now you're gonna tell me that sometimes growing up means
growing apart? I've heard it before, Kim! Billy Bullwicky,
second grade!
Kim: You are so blowing this out of proportion!

Ron: OK, maybe I am. Oh, don't forget Mayhem in Middleton tonight!
Kim: Those tickets are for you. I've kind of already made plans
with, er, Monique.
Ron: I blame the Smoothies! Here, Jackie gave these to you.
Kim: And I gave them to you.
Ron: And I'm giving them back to you! Except this one. Only
because it'll be the highlight of my life!
Kim: Ron! ( Sighs )

[ Middleton Arena ]

Pain King: So, you're taking a vacation this year?
Steel Toe: Yeah, we went ahead and rented a cottage on Martha's
Vineyard. You know, It'll be nice to get a chance to
relax away from Kids.
Pain King: It sounds charming!
% Knocking.
Pain King: I hate your guts!
Steel Toe: I'm taking you down, slime!

Pain King: Oh, hi, Jackie!
Steel Toe: Phew! Man, I thought you were a reporter or something!
Jackie: ( Chuckles ) No, no! Listen, what do you guys think
about me getting into the ring with you tonight?
% Both laugh.
Pain King: Come on, Jackie! Be reasonable!

Steel Toe: Yeah, I don't mean to sell ya short. ...Oh!
Jackie: Oh, very funny. Very funny.
Steel Toe: Sorry, man! I didn't mean it like that.
Pain King: Stick to promoting, Jackie! That's what you're good at!
% Grunts.

Pain King: This is all gonna change... tonight! ( Chuckles )

Guys: Yeah!
Ron: Hey, nice seats!
Guy: Definitely!
Ron: But not as nice as mine! Backstage, baby!
Ron: ( Gasps )

Ron: Gotta see my man, Steel Toe!

Reporter: Golf is a contact sport. If you think about it,...

Ron: It's Steel Toe and Pain King so close I could touch 'em
but I won't. Cos I'm cool!
Ron: Yo, Steel Toe! 'Sup, Pain?
Ron: I touched Steel Toe!

Rufus: Whoo-hoo! Me, too!
Steel Toe: Your gerbil's totally bold, man!
Ron: Yes, thank you! Could I have an autograph? Could you
make it to Ron?
Pain King: Er, sure. Let me get a pen. Yo, Jackie!
Steel Toe: Where is that guy? I need my sunglasses, pronto.

Ron: I'll get 'em! Can I, please, please?
Steel Toe: Sure, kid. They're in my dressing room.
Rufus: ( Squeals )

Jackie: Let me see if I've got everything. Right, open-toe
sandals. Check. Oh, talisman. Ohh, glowing! That is nice,
huh? Hmmm. Alright, and my ancient papyrus which I shall
now begin to read from. ( reading ) "Anibus, protector of
the tomb, your time is now. The time of doom!"

% Cackles.
% Growls.
Rufus: Ah!
Ron: You know what? I'll just come back later.
% Growls.

Ron: Aaaaah! Oomph!
Rufus: Yikes!
Ron: You wanna be left alone! I'm down with that!
Jackal: Tonight the world will see the fearsome power of The
Ron: I've seen! I believe! Aaaaaah!

Ron+Steel Toe: Ooomph!
% All cheer.
Pain King: What are you doing?!
Ron: Oh, there's a problem. Him!

Monique: Not enough froth in your latte?
Kim: No, I'm just feeling guilty. I kind of blew off Ron to be
here tonight.

Monique: Why didn't you bring him along?
Kim: Unless someone put a waiter in a headlock, this is
definitely not Ron scene. Besides he had a date with Steel
Monique: He scored tickets to Mayhem in Middleton?! The GWA rocks!
Kim: What?
Monique: Pretty tacky, I know. But my brother hooked me. Pain
King's my boy!

Kim: I can't believe you and Ron have something in common!
% Pager beeps.
Kim: What up, Wade?
Wade: More on the talisman. If the holder recites incantation
from an ancient text, the spirit of Anubis could actually
possess him!
Kim: Sounds bad. So we better find the ancient text.

Wade: Too late. Somebody already found it. Some mask guy stole
it from the University of Chicago.
Kim: Do you have access to the police report?
Kim: Hmmm. The thief was super short and the GWA was in
Chicago before Middleton.
Kim: I'm sorry, Monique, I keep running out on you.

[ Middleton Arena ]

Jackal: ( Growls )
Pain King: Who is this guy?
Steel Toe: Man, beats me!
Ron: It's Jackie! He's got super-natural powers!

Pain King: Jackie Oaks?!
Jackal: You all said I was too small to get in the ring. Here
I am! Do you still think I'm too small?!
% All cheer.
Guy: This Jackal's awesome!
Ron: You made your point, Jackie! Put them down!

Jackal: I am no longer Jackie. I am now The Jackal!
Guy: Whoo-hoo!

Kim: Excuse me. Pardon me. Excuse me! Um, I'm just gonna squeeze
through here to get... Out of my way!

Ron: First I lose my best friend, now professional wrestling!
Everything's ruined!
Kim: You didn't lose your best friend.

Ron: KP?
Kim: And don't worry! We're gonna save this... this... Would you
call it a sport?
Ron: The most excellent one ever!
Kim: Let's take 'em down!
Ron: I'd tag team with you any day, KP!
Kim: This will be easy!

Jackal: ( Growls )
Pain King+Steel Toe: Ooomp!
% All cheer.
Guy: Sweet!

Jackal: I will take on all competition in a no-hold barred grudge
match! Right here! Right now! Come on!

% All boo.
Jackal: ( Growls )
Guy: Awesome rocket effects, bro!
Kim: Prepare to be body-slammered, Jackal!
Ron: That's body-slammed! Better let me do it.

Ron: ( Grunts )
Ron: Aaah!
Kim: Ron!
Ron: ( Gasps ) You go.

Kim: Why don't you try it without the talisman?
Jackal: Why don't you try and make me!
Kim: ( Gasps )
Jackal: I am all-powerful!

Kim: Ouch! No duh!
Ron: Kim!
Kim: You distract him. I'll go for the talisman.
Ron: Distraion. Solid.

Ron: Steel Toe's number one! Jackal who? Jackal who?

Jackal: ( Growls )
Ron: Steel Toe's number one! That's right, you heard me, old
Jackal: ( Growls )
Kim: Oh, boy! Aaah!

Ron: Oomph!
Jackal: From now on the world will bow down to me!
Kim: As long as he has that talisman on, this guy can't be
% All yell.
Kim: Ron, you keep The Jackal busy.

Ron: I did that already. I have the rope burns to show for it.
Kim: Doesn't have to be for long. Get them to help.
% Both groan.

Ron: We gotta keep The Jackal busy!
Pain King: No way, man! This guy's scary!

Steel Toe: There's no way! I don't wanna face this guy. His eyes
are glowing!
Ron: Gentlemen, you're not just entertainers, you're not just
gifted athletes. You're heroes!

Both: Let's get it on!

Steel Toe: Let's see what you've got!
Ron: Aaah!

Ron: Hi!

Ron: One chance, buddy!
Rufus: ( Chatters )
Kim: Got ya, Rufus!

Jackal: Hey!
Kim: Oh!
Jackal: Nooo!

% Pain King and Steel Toe growl.
Jackie: Um, guys, be reasonable!
Pain King: Jackie, you're going down!

Jackie: Aaaaah!
% All cheer.

Guy#1: Dude, that's the most best, awesome, most totally ripping
show I've ever seen!
Guy#2: No way, man! That whole Jackal thing was totally fake!
% All cheer.

[ Bueno Nacho ]

Monique: You know, I still can't believe you met Pain King and
Steel Toe!
Ron: I can't believe you're into wrestling!
Kim: I can't believe I know either one of you!
Monique: Enough talk! In the immortal words of Pain King, "You're
going down!"
Ron: It is you who will be going down.

Monique: First one to drip is a loser!
Ron: Better get your bib, baby!
Monique: So long!
Kim: ( Groans )

Rufus: Go!
Kim: I think this is the beginning of a very weird friendship.