Transcripts - Showdown at the Crooked "D"
Global Justice Alliance

Transcripts - Showdown at the Crooked "D"


Episode Showdown at the Crokked "D"
Language English
Type Closed Captioning
Date Written Unknown
Author Hazuki
Author Comments Not Available
Wordcount 3486


Ron: ( slurping ) Ah.
Kim: So, Ron. You're just gonna chill all summer?

Ron: "Chillin'", as you put it, is for amateurs. I'm marinating.
Kim: "Marinating"?
Ron: Marinating: Relaxation for the professional.

Kim's Dad: Ready to roll, Kimmy?
Ron: Roll? No one said anything about rolling.

Kim: Road trip to visit my Uncle Slim.
Ron: Okay. I'll be here when you get back.
Kim: In Montana.
Ron: Montana? Okay. I'll be here when you get back.
Kim's Dad: Long time since we visited the old Lazy C Ranch.

Ron: Lazy? I'm simpatico with lazy.
Kim: Well, my Mom has to work. You wanna come with?
Ron: Let me consult my marination advisor. Up for Montana,
Rufus: Yee-haw!
Ron: Okay, let's get lazy.

Kim's Dad: Here you go, Ronald. Toss these in the car.
Ron: ( Straining ) This does not bode well for the Ron-ster.

Shego: Bill, bill, bill... What is this?

Drakken: That's for me. "Dear Mr. Drakken..." It's Dr. Drakken,
you dolts! "Thank you for your application..." ( Mumbling )
( Grumbling ) Blast! Rejected again!

Drakken: Shego!

Shego: "Cerebellum Ultra-Smart Super Genius Thinking Society?"
Are you kidding me?
Drakken: Give it!
Shego: Whoa, whoa... and they won't let you join?
Drakken: No, and it vexes me to the bone! They have fun singles
mixers, and fabulous cruises to nowhere, and the newsletter
has the most fiendishly clever word jumbles.

Shego: Oh, come on. Why do you want to join some super dorky
Drakken: To prove that I'm brillianter than a lot of them!
Shego: "Brillianter"?
Drakken: Most smartest. Whatever. I'm a scientific genius, not a

Shego: "Linguist".
Drakken: Stop that! I need to invent something so brilliant, so
irrefutably mind-bogglingly wowful...
Shego: So close.
Drakken: ( Deep breath ) ...that no one can deny me my place at the
head of the genius table.

Shego: If you sat at the doofus table, you'd have a lock.
Drakken: Doofus table, I'll give you... Shego! Wait! That's it!
Shego: What's it?
% Snapping.
Drakken: ( Groaning ) Ow! The answer is not to build myself up,
it's to knock the competition down.

Shego: Boop, boop, boop. Stupid idea alert.
Drakken: Precisely, Shego.

Kim's Dad: Okay, here we are, kids.
Ron: The Lazy C. The lazy me should fit right in.
Rufus: Oh, yeah!

Kim: Ron, Uncle Slim's ranch is a working ranch.
Ron: What? I thought it was a dude ranch. For dudes, like

Jim: Giddyap, dad!
Tim: We wanna start ropin' 'n ridin'!

Slim: Hey, Squirt!

Kim's Dad: Come on, Slim. Don't call me that in front of the kids.
Tweebs: ( Laughing ) Squirt!
Slim: Where's my favorite sister-in-law?
Kim's Dad: She got stuck working double shift at the hospital, so
we brought Ronald.

Ron: Howdy, partner.
Rufus: Howdy!
Slim: How'd your prairie dog lose its hair?
Rufus: Hmmph!
Slim: Feisty little fella.

Kim: Where's Joss? She e-mailed me right before the trip
about some big surprise.
Slim: Well, Joss is going through a phase.
Kim's Dad: What kind of phase?
Slim: She's got herself a hero that she absolutely idolizes.
Kim's Dad: It's great to have heroes. For me, it was Vlad Lukovic,
of Hydraulic Servo-Actuator fame.

Kim: ( Sighs )
Kim's Dad: Man, Could that guy build spacecraft! Used to write to
him when I was Joss's age. Never wrote back. So, who's
Joss's Vlad Lukovic?
Joss: I can do anything!
Slim: Your daughter.

Joss: 'Cause I'm just like you, Kim.
Kim: Ah... wow!

Ron: Oh, yeah! Can I mosey or what? ( Screaming )
Jim: Are you afraid of horses?

Ron: Me, afraid? ( Hyperventilating ) Yes.
Tim: It's not a real horse, it's just a robot.
Kim: That's the kind of horse he fears most of all.
ROn: It was ten years ago, out in front of Smarty Mart.

% Clinking.

Ron: ( Screaming, Crying )

Ron: I lost two baby teeth that day. Changes a guy.
Kim: Ron, you gotta get past this.
Joss: Yeah, just be like Kim. She's not afraid of nothin'.

Kim: Kid, if being like Kim was that easy, I woulda done it a long
time ago.
Joss: You can try.
Ron: Fine.

Ron: Nice robot horse... Nice robot...
% Whinnying, bucking.
Ron: ( Screaming )

Slim: Sorry about that. Old Tornado still has some glitches
in his get-along.
Kim's Dad: Outstanding work, Slim. Is he cybertronic?
Slim: Yep. Runs on a solar-powered self-perpetuating power
Ron: Mmm-hmm. Ya know, that's exactly what I said to Rufus.
Rufus: Oh, yeah.

Slim: Hey Squirt, you wanna hit the general store with me?
Gotta get some supplies.
Kim's Dad: Sure. You boys behave while I'm gone.
Tim: Whatever you say...
Jim: Squirt.
Kim's Dad: Kimmy, you're in charge.

Kim: Okay, dad.
Joss: Come on, I got all kinds of stuff I wanna show ya.
Kim: Uh, cool.

Slim: Where'd they move those habaneros to?
Kim's Dad: If you fixin' to rustle us up some of your five-alarm
chow, I'm gonna beone happy camper!

Slim: Ain't no "campers" out in these parts.
Kim's Dad: Oh, right. Buckaroos.
Slim: Squirt, you're the best brother a fella could have, but
you are a tinhorn, bad as the other fellas they been
bringin' in.
Kim's Dad: What fellas?

Ramesh: Possible?
Kim's Dad: Ramesh!
Ramesh: I was wondering when we'd see your sorry self here.
Of course, I'm being jocular when I say "sorry self."
Kim's Dad: Gotcha. This is my big brother, Slim Possible.
Slim: Howdy.

Kim's Dad: Hold up there, Ramesh. Why did you expect me?
Ramesh: The Wild West Science Fest. Are you padres ready?
Kim's Dad: Uh, I'm in the dark here.
Slim: Some meeting of the minds they're havin' at the
Crooked D.
Ramesh: Only the greatest scientific minds around the world were

Kim's Dad: And I wasn't invited.
Ramesh: Ooh... my bad. Well, we better be getting back to the
other super geniuses. Um, toodles.

Slim: What happened to Squirt, the happy camper?
Kim's Dad: Oh, it's no big deal. I'd rather spend time with you
than a bunch of tinhorns, really.
Ramesh: Yee-haw!

Kim's Dad: Just wish I knew why I didn't make the cut.

Drakken: Are they all here?
Shego: Yes, all the poindexters on your list are here. So, now
Drakken: Prepare yourself, Shego. For soon, these so-called
geniuses will be yesterday's news. I, Dr. Drakken, will be
the most brilliant scientific mind on the planet!
Shego: Yeah, you know what? I'm gonna go ahead and put this plan
in the failed column right now.

Drakken: ( Frustrated stammering )

Kim: Joss, I don't know what to say.
Ron: The word "obsession" comes to mind.

Joss: Isn't it spankin'?
Kim: Totally. I'm... I'm flattered.
Ron: You're a little light on the sidekick.
Joss: I'd say Wade is a lot more than a sidekick, mister! He runs
Kim's website, builds all them gadgets, he keeps the whole
operation running!
Ron: I'm talking about me.

Joss: Who?
Ron: The sidekick.
Joss: Huh?
Ron: Usually acts in a support/distraction role?
Joss: Not ringing any bells.

Ron: Ron Stoppable?
Joss: Never heard of ya. But you must be proud to be a friend of
my cousin's.
Ron: Oh, you probably don't recognize me without my trusty naked
mole rat!
Rufus: Ta-da!
Joss: Rufus!

Ron: Now it's coming back to ya.
Joss: I know everything about every one of Kim's adventures, so
I know how many times you saved the day!
Ron: And I'm always right there. The guy with the pocket that
Rufus comes out of.
Joss: Oh, yeah. You're the one who's always losin' his drawers.
Ron: Oh, come on, it's only been six or eight times.

Slim: Sent a little bird up a couple years ago, so I got an
eye on the whole spread.
% Beeping.
Kim's Dad: Oh, satellite, huh? So I guess you could take a look
Slim: The Crooked D?
Kim's Dad: Yeah, where the tinhorn brainiacs are.
Slim: You know, Squirt, I'm pretty handy with the cutting-edge
tech myself, but I'm nowhere near as smart as you.

Kim's Dad: Oh, now, Slim... I'm not that smart.
Slim: 'Course you are, and you know it. Doesn't matter who
else knows it.
Kim's Dad: I'd just like to know who put together the guest list.

Drakken: Ladies and gentlemen! You may now put on your hats and
become official buckaroos and buckarettes!
Ramesh: Yippie ki-yay! My own ten-liter hat. I am most eager to
rope 'em upand ride 'em out!

% Beeping.
Ramesh: ( Singing )
The farmer in the dell
The farmer in the dell
Hi, ho, the dairy-oh
The farmer in the dell
( Speaking ) I love these cowboy songs!
% Yipping, gibbering.

Shego: Wow. They're acting so...

Drakken: Silly?
Shego: Not the word I would use, but okay.
Drakken: It's because they're wearing my new invention: The silly

Ramesh: ( Gibberish )

Drakken: Anyone who wears one of these hats will act as silly as...
Shego: Your outfit?
Drakken: I happen to feel muy macho, thank you very much. Anyway,
with the world's most brilliant people incapacitated...
Shego: You start looking pretty smart.
Drakken: I'll be the greatest mind on the planet, because the rest
will be reduced to babbling buffoons! ( Maniacal laughter )

Kim: Well, I hate to brag, but it was pretty exciting, that time
Drakken had a giant laser drill.
Joss: In the world's largest cheese wheel, which was not a cheese-
covered building, it was really made of cheese!
Kim: Yeah. That time. You know all about the mission, huh?

Ron: Hey! Here I am! See, when we busted Duff killagan in
Tokyo, that's me in the background there, see?
Rufus: No. Sorry.
Ron: Wha...? Oh, you're right. It's a Japanese schoolgirl.
Kim: Here's one I don't usually talk about but, since you're a
fan, there was a top secret thing called the Centurion
Joss: Which Drakken and Killigan wanted, but got stuck on you, and
whenever you lied the Centurion bracelet grew and spread all
over your body. Boy, howdy! That's a halloween nobody in
Middleton will ever forget!

Ron: Was that halloween? I thought it was a big groundhog day's
Kim: How 'bout when Shego...
Joss: Tutored Senor Senior, Jr. How to be a bad guy.
Kim: Or when Drakken...
Joss: Stole a weather machine.

Kim: Ah, you know what? Let's forget about me for a minute.
Let's talk about you.
Joss: Sure!
Kim: What are you into?
Joss: You.
Kim: Okay...

Ron: I'll mosey somewhere else.
Rufus: Later!
Kim: Let's go outside.
Joss: You got it!
Kim: Here's an idea. Why don't you decide what we do?

Joss: I have got a great idea!
Kim: Excellent. What do you wanna do?
Joss: Whatever you wanna do.
Kim: ( Groaning )

Kim's Dad: Just a few adjustments to the satellite surveillance
system... And...
Ron: Whatcha doin', Mr. Dr. P?
Kim's Dad: ( Stammers ) Not spying on the wild west science fest.
I can tell you.
Ron: Hey, isn't that your pal, Professor Ramesh?

Kim's Dad: It is.
Ron: That's one strange square dance.
Kim's Dad: Bet it's a square root dance.
Ron: Which is... what?
Kim's Dad: I don't know, but it's the sort of thing the smartest
people in the world would do. I don't care if I wasn't
invited, I'm going over to the Crooked D.

Ron: Count me in. It's gotta be better than hanging out with
the "Never Heard of Ron" fan club.

Joss: I mean, I know Dr. Drakken is your arch foe, but it seems to
me Shego's the really dangerous one. I mean, if she put her
mind to do it, she could be the toughest villain out there,
don't you think? Kim? Kim?

Joss: ( Screaming ) Kim!
Kim: Wade?

Wade: Hey, Kim.
Kim: Please tell me that someone somewhere needs me to do
Wade: What's the static?
Kim: My little cousin's my number one fan.
Wade: Aww, how sweet!

Kim: Well, at first, but I can't take it anymore. She won't leave
me alone.
Wade: That's the price of fame. You won't believe what it's like
for me when I go the computer store.

Joss: I wonder where she could got to.
Kim: I'm serious, Wade. She's so gotta get a life. Preferably,
her own.
Joss: ( Gasping )

Kim: Oh, no!
Wade: She heard you?
% Door slams.
Kim: She so heard me.

% Mindless whooping, chattering.
Kim's Dad: Something's not right. They're acting like a bunch of

Ron: Dr. P, sometimes you gotta let your hair down and get
Ramesh: ( Making motor noises ) ( Aping )
Ron: Maybe some boundaries are being crossed here.

Kim's Dad: What is wrong with you, man?
Ramesh: ( Blows raspberry )

Henchman#1: ( Slurping )
Henchman#2: What's going on down there?

Henchman#1: Looks like trouble. Better report it fast.
Henchman#2: Hombre 1 to Drakken. We have varmints.

Drakken: We have what? Varmints? What is a varmint? Shego, here.
You speak hombre.
Shego: Give me that. Howdy, hombre. What in tarnation is a'goin'
on? ...Looks like we got us some varmints.
Drakken: What does that mean?!

Kim: Hey, um... I'm sorry. I mean, it was so nice that you picked
me to be your hero, and I end up being a total jerk.

Joss: It's not your fault.
Kim: It is. It really is. I mean, you're...
Joss: Just a nobody, stuck here in the middle of nowhere.
Kim: Joss, I was just a nobody. I mean, not a nobody. Nobody's
a "nobody." Everybody's somebody, right?

Joss: Is this supposed to make me feel better?
Kim: I'm just a regular person. I'm into cheerleading, and boys...
sometimes, you know, regular stuff.
Joss: You do incredible stuff. You save the world!
Kim: Joss, I'm just, you know, me. That's all I ever try to be.
And it turned out that sometimes being me is enough to save
the world.
Joss: Yeah! And that's why being you is so cool!

Kim: Try being you. It'll be even cooler.
Joss: Doubt it.
Slim: Kim! You best get down here.

Both: What's the sitch?
Joss: Oops. Sorry.
Kim: No big.

Kim: Ron and dad?
Joss: Captured by Shego! That means your arch foe is next door.
Kim: Joss, it is not "spankin'." It's serious.
Joss: But nothing ever happens 'round here. This is major!

Kim: That's what I'm afraid of.

Drakken: So, we've got a new team here. The genius and the
Ron: Don't let him call you a lack-wit!
Kim's Dad: Whatever your evil scheme is, Lipsky, it won't work.
Drakken: A-ha, but it already has. And all prisoners will refer
to me as Dr. Drakken.

Kim's Dad: You'll always just be Drew Lipsky, the science student
who couldn't make the grade.
Drakken: I will now. You see, Possible, I've adjusted the curve.
Kim's Dad: You gathered the greatest minds on the planet here, so
you could alter their intelligence and make yourself seem
Ron: A-ha! How's he doing that?
Drakken: That's for me to know and you to find out.

Kim's Dad: It's obviously those cowboy hats. They probably contain
some hidden circuitry that alters brain wave efficacy.
Drakken: You Possibles take the fun out of everything!
Shego: It runs in the family. There's a Possible posse heading
into town!

% Robotic whinnying.
Slim: Looks like they're expecting us. That's a passel of

Joss: Do we take 'em?
Kim: Gotta remember, Joss.
Tweebs: Anything's possible for a Possible!
Kim: Let's ride.
% Whinnying.

Shego: ( Whistling )
% Whinnying.

Jim: Hicka-bicka-boo?
Tim: Hoo-sha!
% Electric sizzling.

Slim: You know what's nice about robot horses, partner?
% Clattering.

Kim: ( Yelping, grunting )
Shego: ( Growling )

Shego: Yah!
Kim: ( Grunting )
% Horse snorting, whinnying.

Henchmen: Oof!

% Struggling.
% Whinnying.

Shego: ( Enraged yell )
% Crumbling.
Joss: ( Gasping )
% Whinnying.

Kim: Hang on, Joss. I'll bust out Dad and Ron.

Joss: So not the drama. Ooh!

% Electric sizzling.

Shego: Thanks, kid. Couldn't have done it better myself.

Kim: ( Straining )
Joss: ( Sighs ) This is all my fault.
Slim: Well, l'il darlin', now you can't just go imitatin'
everything you see cousin Kim doing.

Kim's Dad: Don't blame yourself, Joss. It's my fault for being
such a nosey parker.
Kim: Dad...
Ron: Kim, the man's a nosey parker.
Kim: Ron!
Ron: Fear not. We've got this escape in the pocket.

Rufus: Gotcha!
% Clinking.
Rufus: ( Moaning )
Ron: Rufus. Kangaroo rat!

Joss: He did it!

% Alarm sounds.
% Flailing.
% All groan.
Drakken: You actually fell for the whole "key near the cell door"
ruse? And you're not even wearing the silly hats!
Ron: Good hustle anyway, buddy.

Kim's Dad: I just want to know one thing about your evil plan,
Drakken: Well, I do like to gloat about the nuances of my schemes.
Fire away.
Kim's Dad: If you gathered the greatest minds on the planet, why
did you leave me out?
Drakken: Because you're a Possible! You people are such pests!
Slim: Yep.

% Beeping.
Drakken: What was that?
Slim: What?
Drakken: That "boop boop."
Slim: Oh, that. Twern't nothing. That was just me activating
Old Tornado.

Drakken: Is that all? Well, never mind, then. Wait. Who is
"Old Tornado"?

% High-pitched whinny.
Kim's Dad: That's my big brother.
Drakken: Good horsie!
% Enraged whinnying.

Drakken: What's he doing?
Drakken: ( Screaming )

Ron: See? The little pony outside Smarty Mart could never do
Slim: Yep. Old Tornado is one of a kind.

Kim: Come on. Let's get Drakken.
Shego: Oh, I'll take that.
Ron: ( Screams )
Kim: Hang on, Ron.

Ron: ( Screaming ) Little horsie, come back!
Shego: This is good time fun.
Kim: Give me the remote, Shego.
Shego: I don't think so. And if you come any closer, your sidekick
get bucked into the next county.

Kim's Dad: Can we do anything?
Slim: No.
Kim's Dad: 'Fraid of that.
Tweebs: Now!

Shego: ( Growling ) What?!

Tim: No fair.

Ron: ( Screams )
Shego: Hiya!
Shego: Ah ah ah.

Kim: Oh, no.

Joss: That's original.

Ron: That was bad-dical!
Joss: ( Giggling ) Thanks. Just doin' the Joss thing.

Ron: Whoa, whoa!
% Tornado powering down.
Ron: Huh?
Shego: Huh?
Kim: I'll take that.

Joss: What did you say to it?
Ron: Oh, nothin'. I just knew there was an off switch back here.
Kim: See? I couldn't have done that.

Shego: Dr. D., I'd say it's about time to vamoose.
Drakken: We need something big to cover our escape. I've got it!

Drakken: Stampede!
% Jabbering crazily.
Drakken: No, seriously, fellas. A stampede would be very helpful
Shego: Allow me.

% Loud charging.
Slim: They're just dang weird.

Kim: Dad!

% Mechanical whining.
Ramesh: Possible? What's this all about?
% Short-circuiting.
Kim's Dad: Silly hats.

% Burbling.

Slim: ( Slurping ) Well, Squirt, did you work up an appetite?
Kim's Dad: Yes, I am hankerin' forsome grub, I'll tell you what.
Slim: Maybe you're not such a tinhorn after all.
Kim: Hey, where's Joss?

Jim: Haven't seen her for a while.
Tim: Me, neither.
Kim's Dad: She was bending Ronald's ear about something.

Kim: Are you guys ready to eat?
Kim: Oh, boy.

Joss: Kim, I just figured out who the real hero is around here.
Kim: Ron?
Joss: Totally.
Ron: It's hard to argue.
Joss: Ron here is afraid of practically everything, but does he
let his fears keep him from sidekickin'?

Ron: I do not.
Rufus: Atta boy!
Joss: Let's face it, Kim. You can do anything. So facing all
those dangers and villains, well, it's just like you say.
No big.
Kim: Well... I guess.
Joss: A fella filled with that much fear always chargin' into
action with you? Seems to me that's a true hero.

Ron: I can tell she's a Possible. Smart as a whip, this kid.