Transcripts - Rappin'Drakken
Global Justice Alliance

Transcripts - Rappin'Drakken


Episode Rappin' Drakken
Language English
Type Audited
Date Written October 26, 2007
Author WakkaceB, Campy
Author Comments Not Available
Wordcount 4058


(Stadium scoreboard: Home of the Mad Dogs)
Barkin: All right, people. Per your request we are having class outside today.
Ron: Uh ... Mr. B, yeah, I think that request was last week; you know when it was nice out.
Barkin: Do you have any idea, the bureaucratic nightmare entailed in having class outside?! Feel lucky we're doin' it at all!
Kim: We are such lucky ducks.
Ron: No, they are!
Barkin: Reminder, your creative writing assignment is due in one week. I trust everyone has used the last five weeks wisely.
Ron: Huh, (Five weeks of Ron playing with a spoon) I was, err ... I was working on another project. Did you start yours, KP?
Kim: Um, Ron. I finished it. Three and a half weeks ago.
Ron: Aw man, I don't even have a topic.
Kim: Well, it's supposed to be autobiographical.
Ron: Yeah, I know. I kept waiting for it to write itself.
Kim: That's not what the auto-- well, never mind.
Ron: I know, I'll write about our first mission.
Kim: That's what mine's about.
Ron: Cool!
Kim: You can't copy it.
Ron: Oh!
Rufus: Huh?
Ron: Hey buddy ... that's it!
Kim: What's it?
Ron: My topic, how Ron met Rufus!
Kim: Didn't you just get him on sale at Smarty Mart?
Ron: It's creative writing, Kimbo, I'll spice it up.
Kim: I have no doubt. (Kimmunicator) What's the sitch, Wade?
Wade: Are you sitting in the rain?
Kim: Class outside. Don't ask.
Wade: Well, as long as you're already soaked. Drakken's got a new hover lair in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.
Kim: More water? Swell ...
Wade: For your ride, I set you up with ...
Kim: Global Justice?
Wade: Hmm ... they made good time

Pilot: I'm telling you, Miss Possible. Global Justice has searched and scanned this whole area. Dr. Drakken is not here.
Kim: Wade says he's here, that's good enough for me. You sure about this, Wade?
Wade: Absolutely. I had a solid lock on his hover lair. Until, y'know, it vanished.
Kim: Better get a closer look. Ready, Ron?
Ron: Sure. What're we doing again? (Kim and Ron drop from plane) Waahh, Woahh... awww, man! KP, My soda!
Kim: We'll get you a refill later.
Ron: No! Look!
Kim: Way to go, Ron!

Ron: Knock Knock!
Rufus: Ha ha, who's there?
Kim: Invisible lair.
Ron: Invisible lair who?
Kim: Invisible lair right in front of us. Let's bust the bad guys.
Ron: I'm not really sure that works.

Drakken: I presume that we continue to elude Global Justice's search parties. In stealth mode, we are completely undetectable. Ha ha ha.
Henchman: Looks like one Global Justice skycraft hasn't given up the search.
Drakken: What a buffoon!
Ron: Hey, I thought I was the buffoon?!
Shego: I'd say so!
Drakken: You're too late, Kim Possible. For while Shego keeps you busy, I shall launch my Hypertronic Devastator Drone!
Kim: Wait, no countdown?
Shego: No, no, he's actually learning.
Drakken: During the time it takes the computer voice to count backwards from ten, you always manage to defeat me. Not anymore!
Ron: Err... Dude, is this important?
Drakken: The gyroscopic control unit! Where did you get this?
Ron: Yeah, well we actually snuck in by climbing up your ... whatever it is.
Drakken: Hypertronic Devastator Drone!
Ron: Yes. And I slipped and I had to kinda grab on to something and ... yeah, it kinda snapped off.
Drakken: Without the gyroscopic control unit the drone will ... instantly crash. You buffoon!
Ron: I do what I can.
Kim: Maybe we should get outta here?
Shego: Good call!
Pilot: Ah, now I see it!

Kim: I still can't believe it! How'd we let Drakken and Shego get away?
Wade: On the upside, GJ did capture all the henchman.
Ron: And Drakken was foiled. Not captured, but foiled.
Rufus: Yay!
Kim: Oh, I guess we just have to wait 'til Drakken's next take over the world scheme.

Drakken: Excellent Lutz, now take the shampoo and lather.
Lutz: But I already showered this morning before I left the house.
Drakken: This is science, Lutz. What you did or didn't do under uncontrolled conditions is not relevant.
Lutz: Yeah, but if you shampoo too frequently, it can dry out your follicles, give you wicked split ends, y'know?
Drakken: Lutz, don't make me come down there.
(Lutz pours some shampoo in his hand)
Drakken: Lutz! Just put it in your hair!
Lutz: Jeez, you don't have to shout, I ju-- a ... yeaaa.
Drakken: Lutz! Lutz?
Lutz: Who?
Drakken: Oh. Hmm. Let's see. Ah, you're a chicken. Cluck, Lutz.
Lutz: (Clucks like a chicken)
Drakken: Ha-Ha-Ha. It worked! Yes! All we have to do, Shego is put Dr. D's Brain washing shampoo and cranium Rinse in every store and the world will soon be my pawn. Ha-ha-ha, isn't that -- Shego?
Shego: Hey! I was listening to that.
Drakken: Ahh! Hip-Hop. I don't get it. Where's the tune?
Shego: Uh. How's Operation Getting More Ridiculous By the Day going?
Drakken: Hmm, see for yourself, ye of little faith.
Lutz: (Clucks)
Shego: What aspect of the chicken dance is supposed to wow me?
Drakken: It's just a demonstration. The point is, his personality is putty to me.
Shego: Lather, Rinse, Obey. Aren't you being a little too upfront here?
Drakken: Truth in labeling laws, Shego, I'm a supervillain, not a corporate shyster. Now I must put on my marketing hat and move some product.

Drakken: (In TV spot) Does your shampoo make you feel like this? Mine does. Dr. Drakken's Brain Washing Shampoo and Cranium Rinse. Feel like a new you. (Voice-over) Now available at Smarty Mart, where smart shoppers shop smart.

Ron: When Ron met Rufus. Notes.
Kim: Ron, tell me again why we had to come to Smarty Mart?
Ron: Research, Kim. Gotta recreate the event up here. Oh come on, I told you, Rufus, we're not here for toys, this is for art.
Kim: Can we go?
Ron: Oh, and I need to get some ointment for toenail fungus, yeah.
Kim: Need I bother with the Euh-ahe, or is it a given? (Kimmunicator) Sitch me Wade.
Ron: Hey Wade. Er, what do you know about toenail fungus?
Wade: Euh-ahe!
Kim: Yeah, that's what I said.
Wade: Kim, Drakken's up to something huge, he's selling a--
Kim: Shampoo?
Wade: Yeah. You heard?
Kim: I see.
Wade: It's supposed to hypnotize anyone who uses it, to do whatever Drakken says.
Ron: Lather, Rinse, Obey. Hmm, points for full disclosure.
Wade: The good news is, nobody's buying it. The product is a bomb.
Ron: Maybe it's his picture on the bottle?
Kim: So, what do we do?
Wade: If the shampoo doesn't start selling soon, the stores will return their stock, end of plot.
Kim: Wow, Drakken is self-foiling now, spankin'!

Drakken: Hmm! I don't get it. What went wrong?
Shego: Hmm, I don't know. You think maybe it was your picture on the bottle?
Lutz: (Clucks)
Drakken: Can we cut the Hip-Hop while I'm ranting? Who is this anyway? Hmm! Good beat! Decent rhymes. Ah, this MC Honey has expensive tastes. She's just going on and on about all the stuff she can buy with her bank.
Shego: And people buy brands that get mentioned in songs. Unlike yours.
Drakken: (Gasp) That's it!
Shego: What's it?
Drakken: I need to get my brainwashing shampoo into a hot rap! That'll hook the kids.

MC Honey: Say what?!
Drakken: I would like you to mention my shampoo in one of your raps. You'd really be doing me a solid.
MC Honey: Lather, Rinse, Obey!? I don't think so.
Drakken: Well, but ... perhaps if you tried the product you might change your mind?
MC Honey: I don't think so!
Drakken: But this is crucial to my plan.
MC Honey: Foo!

Shego: I cannot believe you actually met MC Honey and didn't get me an autograph.
Drakken: I was focusing on taking over the world instead. One has to wonder about my priorities.
Shego: So what now?
Drakken: Don't know, don't care.
Shego: Okay, well, fine, fine, fine! Have a good weekend. See you Monday.
Drakken: It's Friday? Are you sure?
Shego: Yeah, check the calendar. Oh no, oh no, come on!
Drakken: It's Friday, and we all know what that means!
Shego: Karaoke night.

Drakken: I'm going through a tunnel
Stuck in a canyon
In an elevator
Do you even listen?
No! No, no, no. No, no, no! Whoa Whoa!
Hello, Hello, Hello, can you hear me now? Hello?

Drakken: Thank you! Ha-ha-ha, you're too kind.
Shego: Please tell me we can leave now?
Drakken: Forget it! I'm on fire tonight. You know, after a scheme goes south, nothing cheers me up like Karaoke night. When I hold that mic, and look out at the audience, I feel so alive. It's electric!
Shego: Yeah, maybe that's the answer. Sing the world into submission.
Drakken: Shego! That's it! Yes! Really, no, this time, trust me.
Shego: What?
Drakken: And here I thought I was the evil genius. You're brilliant.
Shego: What are you talking about?
Drakken: Who needs MC What's her name?
Shego: Oh no.
Drakken: I can make sure that my shampoo is most wanted.
Shego: Oh, please no.
Drakken: I will become a Hip-Hop star.

Kim: How's the creative writing assignment going?
Ron: Progressing nicely, thank you.
Kim: Still haven't started?
Ron: The creative part, yes. Mmm, not so much the writing part. American Starmaker!
Kim: I think I know why progress is slow.
Judge: If you're looking for talent, I'm afraid you'll be bitterly disappointed this evening.
Kim: You watch this!?
Ron: Only when it's on. Point?
Kim: I don't know. The judge is so rude, and, and, mean. It kinda makes my skin crawl.
Ron: That's what's great about it. The skin crawlyness-ness-ness.
Rufus: Hm-Hm.
Judge: Not only can't you sing, your clothes are simply dreadful, and your freakish overbite frightens small mammals.
Rufus: Yoink!
Kim: My skin? Euh ... crawling.
Judge: Next up, a young lady with a voice that could melt flesh.
Drakken: He's tough, but cruel.
Shego: Wait! Shhhhh!

Girl: No I didn't just roll out of bed
This is the shape of my head
Don't be fooled or misled
This is the shape of my head!

Drakken: She wouldn't have lasted five minutes at Karaoke night.
Shego: Whatever! She will be famous tomorrow.
Drakken: You're right! That's it! That's really, really it this time.
Shego: Oh no.
Drakken: I'll launch my musical career on American Starmaker! Bod-a-bing, instant fame.
Shego: For 15 minutes.
Drakken: That's all I need.

(Upperton Country Club)
Drakken: Hello.
Man: How ya doin'?
Drakken: Are you the producer of American Starmaker?
Man: Look buddy, auditions for next season start in July. Now if you don't mind, I'm takin' a steam.
Drakken: Oh, I don't want to be on it next season, I'm thinking this week.
Man: How did you get in here?
Drakken: I think I can make you change your mind.
Man: I need to cool off.
Drakken: Yes, a nice shower is just what you need. (Man uses Drakken's shampoo) Now, about my slot on your show?

Ron: All right, so time is running out. But I will not panic, KP.
Kim: You're panicking, aren't you?
Ron: Totally!
Kim: Ron, why do you do this to yourself?
Ron: Kim, procrastination is one of the few skills I've mastered, don't slam it. Oh look, TV!
Judge: Our next victim goes by the name of Dr. D's. Oh joy.
Drakken: Yo, what up, dog?
Kim: Noo!
Ron: It can't be.
Kim: And yet it is.
Ron: You think your skin was crawling before. (Kimmunicator)
Wade: Kim, are you watching?
Kim: Yep. But not believing.
Judge: Oh, too bad, we're out of time for this week, but you'll be the first off the block next time. And I can't wait.
Drakken: But?
Kim: Wade?
Wade: I'm on it, Kim, I'll start working my sources.
Ron: Man, I wish I had sources.

(School sign: See you later procrastinator)
Kim: The project's due Monday, and you have a title?
Ron: Okay, I lied about the title thing, but I have a topic in my pocket.
Rufus: Me!
Wade: Where have you been?
Kim: Class.
Wade: Oh right, anyway. Here's what I got on our American Star Maker. Remember that bogus shampoo Drakken tried to sell?
Kim: Uh-Hu, the one no one bought.
Wade: Well, he's planning on plugging it in his song.
Kim: And the point would be?
Ron: Stuff talked about in a song becomes hot and cool.
Kim: So you think people will snap up Drakken's shampoo just because he raps about it?
Wade: Millions of people watch American Starmaker. Plus, if Drakken actually wins, he'll get a record contract, movie deal, who knows?
Ron: Who does know?
Kim: Hmm, we've gotta pull Drakken's plug.

Ron: Here you go buddy, a chimerito, and a naco.
Rufus: Hmm, Naco!
Kim: Focus on the deadline, Ron.
Ron: I'm working on the writing assignment, okay?
Kim: I was talking about Drakken on TV tomorrow night.
Ron: Oh that, okay, look, there's really only one thing to do.
Kim: Yeah, what's that?
Ron: You need to go on that show and win. Beat Drakken at his own game.
Kim: That's the only thing we can do, huh?
Ron: Think about it, KP. You blew them away at last year's talent show. Admittedly, I won, but you were a very strong second.
Rufus: Uh-uh.
Kim: But this is on national television, Ron, and the judge is so mean.
Ron: Kim, you foil superfreaks on a daily basis, and you're worried about some snarky TV pretty boy Neh?
Kim: Well, yeah, pretty much.

Judge: Listen, thanks for that shampoo, I feel so unbelievably mellow.
Drakken: You hear that, Shego? Mellow.
Judge: Hey, good luck out there.
Drakken: In the bag, Shego. Believe the hype.
Shego: I know I'm gonna regret saying this, but I think you may have finally achieved so dumb, it just might work.
Drakken: Word up, Shego.
Kim: Ron, this is so dumb it can't work.
Ron: Yeah right, KP, chill down. It'll work.
Kim: You listen up, hap a howler from Ron?
Ron: I wanted it to sound like me.
Kim: Why don't you shoot for, sounds like English?
Judge: Welcome, and good evening. First up, I think this guy has a lot of talent, and could go all the way. Dr. D's.
Kim: What got into him, or on to him. I'll be right back.
Drakken: Shego, give me a beat. Yes. Shego? Give me a beat, Shego. Shego! Fine. If you want a beat done right.

Boom chi boom boom-boom chi boom chi
Yo, yo, yo
I used to be Drew
One day I turned blue
As a suede shoe or berry
It makes me look scary
Then I ponytail my hair, eee
Got me a nasty scar
And a funky fresh flying car
Now Drew be Dr. Drakken
So quit that yakkin'
Think I'm out? Ha, I'm back in it
My lippy sidekick Shego
She kicks me in my ego
Gots her freaky glowing hands
Mocks my super genius plans
Makes me do my defeat dance
Ring, telephone. come on Nggh Ah
Had dreams to rule the world
Or build a better robot girl
All end in rejection
So after introspection
I turned my career in another direction
Thanks to one all-that teen
Mr. Mean is squeaky clean
Though my face is still blue
Tell you what I can do
Sell you all some freaky shampoo

Lather Rinse and Obey
It's time to wash your hair today
You may think I'm a villain
You aren't just chillin'
Come on, let me hear you say
Lather Rinse and Obey
I'm a playa just playin' his play
My product's in a rap song
Time to get your wash on
With Dr. D's Brainwashing Shampoo,
And Cranium Rinse

Fo' sheezy, it's off the heezy.

Kim: Ha! I knew he was acting too nice.
Shego: Aw, don't worry, Kimmie. I'm still nasty.

Judge: Lovely, simply lovely.
Drakken: Oh, you're too kind.
Judge: But according to our computers, and we don't know how this happened, we have one final contestant to challenge you. Kim Possible.
Drakken: What?

Ron: Where is Kim? This is the talent show all over again.
Rufus: Come on, sing it!
Ron: Sing my paper? Sing my paper? You want me to go out there and sing my paper? Okay.

Rufus: Na na na na (etc.) Hit it!

Ron: Yo listen up; hap a holla from Ron
Naked Mole Rap is the name of the song
Here's the story
In all its glory
Ain't hidin' nothin'
You'll know what the truth is
How Ron met Rufus
Never heard a cat bark, never heard a puppy purr
My dad's allergic to every kind of fur
So I searched for hairless pets on the internet
Saw a JPEG of a pick thing, gonna need sun screen

What is that, that freaky thing?
Girls: Yes that's right, it's a naked mole rat
Ron: Come on y'all, let the girlies sing.
Girls: Listen to the Naked Mole Rap
Ron: Uh-hu. What is that, that freaky thing?
Girls: Yes that's right, it's a naked mole rat
Ron: Hey wait, I can't hear the girls sing,
Girls: Listen to the Naked Mole Rap

Rufus:Na na na na na-na etc.

Ron: I heard Smarty Mart was havin' a sale
On a hairless pink rodent with a long, skinny tail
It seemed to me this could be a solution
The perfect pet for my Dad's sensitive constitution
So the manager came, to open the cage, he said
Manager: You know this pet's hairless?
Ron: I said I couldn't care less. Handed him to me, said
Manager: Be careful, don't drop it, and do you want this cage?
Ron: No, I'll keep 'im in my pocket.

What is that, that freaky thing?
Girls: Yes that's right, it's a naked mole rat
Ron: Come on y'all, let the girls sing.

(Kim squirts shampoo on Shego)
Shego: Ahh.

Ron: What is that, that freaky thing?
Girls: Yes that's right, it's a naked mole rat
Ron: Gonna buy me some bling-bling.
Girls: Listen to the Naked Mole Rap

Ron: Can I get a boo-yah?
Crowd: Boo-yah!
Ron: Can I get a boo-yah?
Crowd: Boo-yah!

Ron: Look at the camera, say cheese!
Crowd: Cheese!
Ron: Smile for the camera, say cheese!
Crowd: Cheese!
Ron: We go to Bueno Nacho, Chimerito and a Naco.
Always grande sizin', why not? I'm buyin'
Rufus in my pocket
Can't stop it
Can't top it
Don't drop it
You might just pop it
Rufus and Ron Stoppable, with our best friend Kim Possible
We're not afraid of any attack, I say yo KP, we got your back!
Rufus: Hiya!

Ron: What is that, that freaky thing?
Girls: Yes that's right, it's a naked mole rat
Ron: Come on y'all, let the girlies sing.
Girls: Listen to the Naked Mole Rap
Ron: What is that, super freaky thing?
Girls: Yes that's right, it's a naked mole rat
Ron: Come on y'all, let the girlies sing.
Girls: Listen to the Naked Mole Rap
Rufus: Bye-bye.

Judge: B minus. But I mean that in the nicest way.
Drakken: So, I win?
Judge: Sadly, no.
Drakken: What?!
Judge: Well, as it turns out, you're disqualified.
Drakken: Says who?
Judge: The police. I don't know what this means, but they've confiscated your warehouse, and they're coming to get you.
Drakken: Gah!
Kim: You may not rap, Wade, but you rock.

Barkin: Oh, well, it pains me to admit this, but, it was both creative and autobiographical.
Ron: Y'know, the guy on the TV gave me a B minus.
Barkin: Fine, B minus.
Ron: Ha! You can't inspiration without procrastination.
Kim: Er, yes you can.
Ron: Well, not the 'ation' part. Boo-yah!
Rufus: Boo-yah!