Transcripts - Odds Man In
Global Justice Alliance

Transcripts - Odds Man In

 

  Information
Episode Odds Man In
Language English
Type Closed Captioning
Date Written March 2, 2007
Author Campy
Author Comments Not Available
Wordcount 3681
 

  Transcript

Ron: So, uh KP, y'know I was wondering, what are you doing Saturday night? Whoa!
Kim: I'm guessing Bueno Nacho, movie, three hours of you trying to win a stuffed frog from the claw machine at the Middleton Mall ... drop!
Ron: Wait, are you saying that our date night has hit a --
Kim: Rut! It could use some shaking up. Run!
Ron: Yah! You're looking at a guy who happens to have two tickets to a formal event at the Hotel Capri.
Kim: Serious? I'm in. Oh good, Wade's rescue is here. Finally, something exciting to do.
Emcee:Welcome to the Actuary of the Year Awards. Do you know why the man ...
Kim: Yep, real exciting.

(Intro Credits)

Emcee: Our next presenter is best known for his ...
Ron: Dad?
Mr. Stoppable Yes?
Ron: What is an actuary?
Mr. Stoppable: Actuaries create mathematical models to ascertain risk.
Ron: Uh ... come again?
Mr. Stoppable: Okay, we evaluate the likelihood of catastrophic or otherwise undesirable events.
Ron: So you guys book odds on peoples' croakage?
Mr. Stoppable: I think he's got it!
Ron: So okay, wait, like, you're saying a bullfighter has a lot more chance of major injury than, say, a preschool teacher?
Mr. Stoppable: Before or after nap time?
Ron: After.
Mr. Stoppable: Sixteen point three percent more.
Ron: Cool! Actuaries rule! Huh, I wonder what the odds of survival for teen crimefighters are? Uhhh!
Rufus: (gasp) Uhhh!

Drakken: I send you to do one simple thing! One! Steal the Atmosfreezer. And why didn't you? 'The door was locked.' Of course the door was locked! Super-secret think tanks aren't known for their open-door policies.
Henchman 1: Hey what's eight letters for indifferent?
Drakken: Who cares?
Henchman 1: Thanks!
Drakken: Oh. Look, would it kill you people to show some initiative every once in a while?
Henchman 2: What's in it for us?
Drakken: Just a little thing I called World Domination. In my hands, the atmosfreezer could usher in a new ice age, and bring humanity to its frozen knees!
Shego: Yeah, that's your bag. Frankly, the boys? Not that into it.
Drakken: I pay you, don't I?
Henchman 1: Uh, no.
Drakken: Shego, do something! I'm losing my legions of terror!
Perkins: Oh, poor you. Hank Perkins, hi! We've met.
Drakken: Perkins ... Oh, you're the temp who filled in here once. Shego, you called in a temp? One temp does not a legion of terror make!
Perkins: Oh, I'm out of the temp game, Dr. Drakken. Working here, I stumbled upon a whole untapped market.
Shego: 'Villainy Consultant'?
Perkins: Bingo! Innovative ideas to create synergy and maximize evil output. Brand management, action plans, incentivizing --
Drakken: Stop! Stop! Stop! I don't need your fancy ideas, college boy.
Perkins: Look, if it's about the money --
Drakken: It's not about the money, I just have a teensy little problem with the ... flow of my cash.
Perkins: A problem is just a misunderstood opportunity. I'll tell you what, just to get my foot in the door, if you don't see improved evil in six weeks, my services are free.
Drakken: Hmm, I do like the sound of 'free.'
Shego: Though it's never about the money.
Drakken: Ngggh.

Ron: I'm telling you, Kim, actuarially speaking, you should have been toast in the tenth grade.
Kim: Yet, here I am.
Ron: Oh, would you mind moving over a lane? We're eight percent less likely to get into a bone-mangling accident.
Kim: And you're about fifty percent more likely not to tick off your girlfriend if you're a hundred percent less annoying!
Ron: Well that doesn't make any sense .. where did you get your numbers?
Kim: Ngggh.
Ron: Look, KP, I just want to keep you safe ... because if you got hurt, it's too big a loss to compute.
Kim: That's the most weirdly romantic thing you've ever said to me.

Ron: Halt! Don't you ladies know sixty percent of all slip-and-fall injuries occur because of wet floors!
Cheerleaders: (giggles)
Ron: Whoa! Ow!

Ron: Ah! Oh! Spotters! More Spotters! Wha-! Owww.

Henchman 3: Easy there!
Henchman 4: You can do it!
Henchman 2: Way to go, Bob.
Drakken: Is this what I am not paying for? Kiddie games?
Perkins: It's a trust exercise. The first thing I learned in business school, where I graduated with honors --
Drakken: 'Graduated with honors --'
Perkins: Is, successful companies run on teamwork, which is built on trust.
Drakken: (Raspberry) Bunch of grad-school hooey. Can I have a turn? It's my lair.
Shego: Doctor D! Somebody explain this!'
Perkins: The company organizational chart?
Shego: I know that. Why am I way down here under Assistant Manager for Minor Weaponry and Office Supplies?
Perkins: Well, here at Drakken & Company, we believe --
Shego: Whoa whoa whoa whoa! I've been reduced to '& Company'?
Perkins: What can I say? You missed the Brainstormers' Breakfast. But, you're just in time to work on your team-building skills. The goal is to help your teammates through the web without touching the ropes.
Shego: (Zaps ropes) So, about that org chart?
Perkins: Ahem, uh, how does Chief Operating Officer for Random Mayhem sound?
Shego: Throw in a company car, I'm good.

Ron: Uh uh uh ...
Kim: This is ridiculous.
Ron: Hardly. Do you know tongue burns lead to whole-body infections in three out of one million cases? There, now you can eat that with confidence.
Kim: Ick, so not hungry now. I have faced far worse than scalding nacos and lived to tell. I'm a Possible! As in, anything is ... We defy the odds!
Ron: KP! Do not anger the odds!
Kim: I like you, don't I? What are the odds of that?
Ron: Slim to none.
Kim: See?
Ron: Which only proves my point! If you're with me, then what other statistical horrors can befall you?
(Kimmunicator)
Kim: Hey, Wade, what's the sitch?
Wade: Global warming.
Ron: Oh, don't get me started!
Wade: I mean, someone just breached the security system of a lab that's doing advanced global warming tech.
Kim: We're on it.

Ron: Drakken's goons?
Kim: I guess. But these goons actually seem competent.
Drakken: Please, refer to them as 'team members.' It builds their self-esteem.

Henchman 3: Easy there!
Henchman 4: You can do it!
Henchman 5: Way to go, Bob.
Drakken: Wow, Shego, look at them go!
Shego: That new bonus-driven incentive system really works!
Ron: Ow, whoa! These numbers do not look good.
Ron: I got your back, KP!
Kim: Ron!

Ron: Don't you think your odds are better when you skate away from big metal things about to crush you?
Kim: You were saying?

Kim: So, you see, Mr. Stoppable, as Actuary of the Year, I thought you could reassure Ron that I'm really okay.
Ron: Dad, have you been under here recently? Look at this. One more plug and this place could light up like the Fourth of July.
Rufus: Oh, boy!
Kim: See?
Mr. Stoppable: Son, I'm thrilled that the actuarial world has captured your imagination.
Ron: It's not my imagination that Kim's in statistical danger. The numbers don't lie.
Mr. Stoppable: Let's just see about that. Factoring in Kim's extraordinary abilities, it's my professional opinion that she is no more in danger saving the world than the average student is skateboarding to school.
Ron: Really?
Mr. Stoppable: Really. And as for you ... it's a miracle.
Ron: What? Oh, I should have been toast in tenth grade.

Drakken: The results speak for themselves. Corporate works.
Shego: Oh no, casual Friday?
Drakken: Who knew chinos were so comfy?
Shego: Oh yeah, yeah. Pleats, the fierce new look in evil.
Drakken: '... fierce new look in evil.'
Shego: Yeah, can we please just fire up the atmosfreezer?
Drakken: Shego! Did you even read the memo? The atmosfreezer requires huge amounts of energy to be cranked up to the ridiculously dangerous level for my evil scheme.
Shego: And the power drain would alert the authorities to our location. Wow, an actual learning curve.
Drakken: All I need is a large urban area where it would blend in with all the other squandering of our precious resources. I just haven't found that place yet.
Perkins: Good news. I just diversified our company's product base.
Drakken: Way to go, Hank! What does that mean, exactly?
Perkins: I bought out a cupcakery in downtown Upperton.
Shego: Cupcakery?
Perkins: There's a gourmet cupcake craze coming, and we are going to be in front of it.
Drakken: Cupcakes?! I am not about to risk my reputation as a purveyor of human suffering to sell cupcakes! Oh, they are yummy!
Shego: Y'know, Dr. D, no one would ever suspect an atmosfreezer to be stashed inside a cupcake shop.
Drakken: Of course they wouldn't! It would be insa-- Oh, yes. Yes, I like it. Shego, you just earned an 'attaboy' ... girl.

Perkins: It's all about branding. I added the word 'gourmet,' a flashy new logo, and charged three times as much as our nearest competitor.
Drakken: Hank's?
Perkins: Yes. We focus tested 'Dr. D's,' but everybody associated it with shampoo for some reason.
Drakken: Ngggh. Oh, you know what? Who cares! Would you look at the dough we're making? Get it, dough? Heh heh.
Shego: Actually, cupcakes are made with batter, and don't start licking the spoon, 'cause there's some bad news on the new ice age.
Becker: You need three more strategically placed atmosfreezers in order to lower the temperature enough to satisfy your evil needs.
Drakken: You work for me?
Becker: Becker, sir. Assistant Manager for Unexpected Setbacks.
Drakken: Hmmm huh. Mmmm ...
Becker: I won the office baseball pool last week.
Drakken: Ah, yes! Good on you.
Becker: Replicating the atmosfreezer will be easy enough, problem is, we will need three more locations and substantial capital to fund the construction.
Perkins: You should see these cupcake profits. It's really too bad we have only one store. Demand is outstripping supply three to one.
Drakken: A problem is just a misunderstood opportunity. Time to franchise!

(Sign: Geometry Club Pi Sale Today)
Kim: Still a no-show on that atmosfreezer, Wade?
Wade: Yeah, it's freaky. You'd think something with that kind of power drain would be obvious.
Kim: Well, keep looking.
Wade: Wade: You bet. BTW, have you tried Hank's Gourmet Cupcakes yet? The Mocha Mania is da bomb!
Kim: Maybe I'll pick up a dozen and take them to the Ronness after school.
Wade: How is Mr. Sunshine?
Ron: KP.
Kim: Uh, Ron?
Ron: Three little words, electromagnetic field radiation. Well, okay, yeah, not exactly little.
Rufus: Oh!
Ron: Found a website about it. These electro-whatevers are everywhere!
Kim: Is that right?
Ron: Not to worry. Here.
Kim: I'll take my chances with the electro-thingies.
Ron: EFRs. And they can cause all sorts of bad things. Yeah, bunions, overbites, memory problems --
Student: Hey, you forgot this.
Ron: See? Ah!
Kim: Exactly, Ron! Anything can get you, anytime. So, if you're gonna live like this, you might as well never leave home.

Perkins: The gourmet cupcake concern represents a huge improvement in company performance.
Shego: Gotta give you props, Suit Man, almost makes me glad I didn't vaporize you earlier. Almost.
Becker: All the atmosfreezers are activated. Temperatures are dropping in all four locations.
Drakken: What about Cleveland?
Becker: Sir, we don't have an atmosfreezer in Cleveland.
Drakken: (whispers) I'm not talking to you, I'm on a cupcake conference call.
Perkins: With the supply chain in place throughout the midwest, we could open Cleveland by June.
Drakken: Hmm, June's doable.
Shego: Please tell me there's someone else on that conference call. I thought the point of this was to bring the world to its frozen knees.
Drakken: Well, yes. But what's wrong with a little multitasking? Out of the box, Shego!
Shego: What box?
Drakken: The one you are thinking inside. Y'see? 'Cause ... oh, Shego, it's corporate jargon, never mind.

Kim: Huh? Snow ... in spring? Wade?
Wade: I know. The weather.
Kim: I'm thinking --
Wade: The atmosfreezer?
Kim: Drakken. Can you beep Ron?
Wade: Already on it. But I'm not getting any answer.

Kim: Ron?
Ron: (muffled) In here.
Kim: Ron? What is this?
Ron: Panic room.
Kim: Of course it is.
Ron: Five-inch thick walls of solid steel -- and the only place I feel safe against the statistical cruelties of this world.
Rufus: (frantic)
Kim: Ron, this is so a Drakken plot.
Ron: Weather? Didn't he already do weather?
Kim: Only difference is, for some reason, it's working this time.
Ron: Which is impressive ... I mean, the odds against him are tremendous.
Kim: I don't care about odds, I care about backup. Which I need.
Ron: You don't want me, Kim, I'm an accident waiting to happen.
Kim: Ron, you're not gonna --
Ron: I'll be here, with a year's supply of nacos, high-speed Internet, and those cupcakes ... which are terrific, by the way!
Kim: But --
Ron: Kim, Rufus, I'm sorry ... it's how it has to be.
Rufus: Aw hoo hoo.

Drakken: Perkins! What's the takeaway?
Perkins: Global temperatures are plummeting.
Drakken: Good, good.
Perkins: And sales in our new Miami store are beating projections.
Drakken: Ooh, it's a win-win!
Shego: Would you two stop that!?
Drakken: Aah!
Shego: Am I the only one around here keeping her eye on the prize?
Drakken: Shego! The new ice age is two days away. Besides, I'm thinking of spinning off this whole freeze-the-world division.
Shego: What?!
Drakken: Eh, no cross-promotion value. Can't very well hand out icebergs to the little kiddies at the takeout window, now can you?
Shego: Uhnggh!
Drakken: Ooh! Shego, don't go all green on us. We're still gonna take over the world ... new school.
Perkins: We're taking our cupcake concern public with a big Wall Street splash next week.
Drakken: Finally, I get to kick it with the big boys.
(Alarm sounds)
Henchman: Intruders!
Wade: You know, this whole mission thing is a lot harder than it looks on my monitor back home.
Kim: Are you stalling?
Wade: No! I just wanna check if I brought the Motion Deactivator. Got it!
Kim, Wade: (Gasps)
Wade: Drakken's behind Hank's Gourmet Cupcakes?
Kim: Bummer. They are yummy.

Wade: Uh uh uh ... I got it, Kim! I'll stun him.
Kim: Wade, no!
Wade: Kim! This sidekick thing is harder than Ron made it look, too.
(Kimmunicator)
Ron: I'm in a safe place now nothing can hurt me. I'm in a safe place now nothing can hurt me. Aah!
Rufus: Hnn huh.
Ron: Rufus? How -- Aw, wait 'til I see that salesman at the panic room dealership.
(Kimmunicator)
Ron: Ah! Kim's in trouble! I knew this was statistically inevitable, but-- but what can I do? I can't go back out there! Not with the odds stacked against me. Ow!
Wade: (static) Ron! Will you --
Rufus: Hmm?
Ron: I -- I can't go in alone. Do you know the odds of me fighting off Drakken's henchmen, rescuing Kim, and saving the world from a new ice age? (punches buttons)
Rufus: Huh?
Ron: Note: solar-powered calculators, worthless in panic rooms!
Rufus: Hah! Uh uh uh --
Mr. Stoppable: Ronald! I should have told you what you learn when you spend your whole life calculating hazards.
Ron: What?
Mr. Stoppable: Some things are worth the risk.

Kim: Ah. Wade?
Wade: Kim! You're okay ... uh, relatively speaking. Funny, my mom always said too much chocolate would be bad for me.
Drakken: No mere chocolate. Chocolate ganache!
Kim: Ganache? What's ganache?
Drakken: Equal parts dark chocolate and fresh dairy cream, Simple but delicious on everything. You'll see. Lower them.
Becker: Sorry there, boss, but that isn't in my skill set, You're going to want the Assistant Manager for Climactic Action.
Drakken: Fine, go get him.

Rufus: Whoa.
Ron: Sure, they're a well-oiled machine, but they don't have Ron's secret weapon.
Rufus: Wha ha?
Ron: Paranoia and irrational fear!
Ron: Y'know, thirty-eight percent of all splinter mishaps are caused by manual lifting.
Ron: Did you know you have a seventeen percent chance of losing your good looks practicing martial arts without the correct padding. Yep, one out of every two homemade explosive devices backfire.
Drakken: Nggh. Finally. I hope you're not expecting a year-end bonus. I guess this is our final goodbye, Kim Possible ... and your sidekick wanna-be. Who knew revenge would be so ...sweet?
Wade: Isn't this where you're supposed to say, "You'll never get away with it"?
Kim: Only when I'm absolutely positive he won't.
Drakken: Double dip them!
Wade: Well, there are worse ways to go.
Kim: Ron!
Ron: Can I get a boo-yah?
Kim, Wade: Aaaah!
Ron: On it!
Drakken: Get them!
Henchman 1: No way.
Henchman 2: We're taking the early retirement package.
Drakken: But our incentive program!
Henchman 3: Hey, we got a better incentive.
Bob: Yeah, to live!
Henchman 4: Heh, way to go, Bob.
Kim: Ron, I can't believe --
Ron: Yeah, I know.
Wade: Guys? I'm still here.
Kim: Oh.
Ron: Right.
Kim: Ron, the atmosfreezers ...
Ron: I'm on it. Uh.
Shego: So, how many sidekicks can one crime-fighting cheerleader bring?
Ron: Just evening the odds. Wha ha!
Rufus: Oh no!
Wade: On the upside, Ron is surviving way longer than I thought he would.
Kim: Isn't it romantic?
Ron: (Gulp) Statistically speaking, there's a ninety-nine percent chance that whatever you do to me is gonna hurt real bad.
Shego: Oh, you can count on it.
Kim: Check your figures, Shego.
Kim: Ron, you were awesome.
Ron: Yeah, I know ... ow ow ow ow.
Perkins: Time to go live on an updated action plan. Run!
Drakken: This is going to negatively impact third-quarter performance.

Kim: Ron, look out, you could slip.
Ron: There's a good chance of it, and you know what? I don't care. Give it up for the new Ron Stoppable, risk taker.
Kim: But you're still gonna ride in the back seat?
Ron: Well, I may be a risk taker, but Momma didn't raise no fool, a-yup yup.

Shego: It's bad enough that you didn't take over the world ... again! Now we're stuck with the cupcakes.
Drakken: That low-carb trend was coming. Should've been in front of it.
Shego: A problem is just a misunderstood opportunity.
Drakken: Are you going to help me with these or not?
Shego: Who-- okay, that's taking casual Fridays too far.
Drakken: Ngggh.