Transcripts - Mathter and Fervant
Global Justice Alliance

Transcripts - Mathter and Fervant

 

  Information
Episode Mathter and Fervant
Language English
Type Closed Captioning
Date Written October 22, 2007
Author WallaceB, Campy
Author Comments Not Available
Wordcount 4156
 

  Transcript

(School sign: There's No Place Like Homeroom)
(Slide show)
Barkin: All right people, I think you can see the point of this little presentation.
Ron: Uh, you’re trying to show us how not to use a slide projector?
(Joan of Arc slide burns)
Barkin: Ahh! I knew the school should have spent their budget updating the AV equipment instead of those stupid voice-activated lights.
Computer: Lights.
Barkin: (Sigh) The point is that all of these people were heroes. Now, your English assignment is to --
Kim: Interview and do a paper on a hero in our own lives?
Barkin: Right ...
Computer: Lights.
Barkin: (Groan) Lights. I said lights!
Computer: Lights.
Ron: Hero, eh? Oh, the Ron man has this one in le bag.
Barkin: And no, you can’t interview the person you are dating.
Ron: Brutal. How do you sleep at night?
Computer: Lights.
Barkin: He said night, not lights!
Computer: Lights. Lights.
Barkin: Ah, I hate that stupid thing.
Computer: Ring. Activating school bell.

Ron: I mean, what could be more heroic than a big-time rocket scientist?
Kim: Okay, one, he's my dad and two, I just told you he was my hero.
Ron: Great minds think alike.
Kim: Great minds think for themselves.
Ron: Which is why I’ll be writing my paper on your mom. Brain surgeon, life saver, heroic.
Kim: Out of town, Neuro-science convention. You know, I'm not the only one with parents, Ron.
Ron: Mom swore off school projects after the paper machete incident.
Kim: don't you mean paper maché?
Ron: I wish I did, Kim, I wish I did.
Kim: What about your dad?
Ron: What about him? Heh-he, hey there, Dad.

(Theme)

Ron: I'm serious, KP, I need, y'know, realistic suggestions.
Kim: Ron, there’s gotta be something heroic about your father?
Ron: Uh, I can’t write a paper about my dad the actuary. He crunches numbers all day. Who wants to read about math in English? Uh, stress overload kicking in. Me need brain food.
Rufus: Yeah-yeah-yeah!

Ron: Hmm. Oh yeah, I feel smarter already.
Kim: Hmm, the cheese must be kicking in. So, any ideas for your hero that aren’t in my DNA line?
Ron: My dad!?
Kim: See, I knew you'd come around.
Ron: No, I mean he’s here, and he’s wearing a cape.
Mr. Stoppable: Hello, Son.
Ron: Dad, what are you doing here in the place where I know many people, and am wanting to dive under a table because you are sporting a cape.
Mr. Stoppable: Oh, I was just in the neighborhood.
Ron: In a cape?
Mr. Stoppable: Visual thinking, Son. To help you realize who the real hero is in your life.
Ron: You mean the hero that’s been in front of me all along, only I've been too blind to see it.
Mr. Stoppable: Exactly. I thought the cape might help jog your memory.
Ron: A man whose accomplishments I've admired for as long as I can remember.
Mr. Stoppable: Well, I'm a modest man.
Ron: Martin Smarty!
Mr. Stoppable: Right. Wait, who?
Ron: The founder of Smarty Mart.
Mr. Stoppable: Oh.
Ron: Yeah. Y'know, see, the cape -- although utterly embarrassing -- reminded me that one of Mr. Smarty’s many mansions is located in Cape Cod!
Mr. Stoppable: I see.
Ron: Rock on, Dad!
Mr. Stoppable: Sure. You're-- you’re welcome, Son.
Kim: Ron, you think maybe your dad was hoping to be your hero?
Ron: Well he sure saved the day!
Kim: Wade, can you put me through to our hero, Martin Smarty?
Wade: I thought you were writing about your dad.
Kim: I am, the hook-up’s for Ron.
Wade: If Ron’s not writing about his dad, then, what’s with the cape?
Ron: You know about the cape?
Wade: Police scanner, someone at Bueno Nacho must have called security. Oh hey you’re on.
Mr. Smarty: This is Martin.
, Ron: Uh hi, Mr. Smarty, sir I'm sorry to bother you.
Mr. Smarty: Oh hello, Ronald, what’s on your mind?
Ron: Well, you see, I'm doing a paper on my personal hero, and well, I’d like to interview you, you know if that’s okay.
Mr. Smarty: Oh certainly, I’d be delighted.
Ron: A-boo-ya! I mean sorr-- a-bo-ya! Sir. So, where should we start?
Mr. Smarty: Tell you what, I think I can schedule you in say three months?
Ron: Yeah… uh the paper’s kinda due next week.
Mr. Smarty: Sorry we couldn't do business, Son, but I gotta hop off, You know how demanding the life of a wealthy corporate mogul can be.
Ron: Not a clue.

(School sign: Hero Project Due Monday: Save the Date)
Kim: How’s the hero hunt going?
Ron: I gotta be honest, KP, I'm not liking the whole back-to-square-one sitch
Bonnie: Then I go what?! And he goes ... wait, I'm losing you. I said he goes ... no! He goes! He goes! Uh, never mind, I’ll text you. He ... goes ...
Ron: Wait a minute, that’s it!
Kim: What, Bonnie, a hero?! I know you’re getting desperate but --
Ron: No, not Bonnie. Ew! Hego!

Kim: So, Shego’s brother, huh?
Ron: The man’s a bonafide, bon-digity hero. I mean he’s got the tights and everything.
Kim: I'm sure your father would wear tights if he thought it would help.
Ron: If my dad shows up at Bueno Nacho in tights I'm gonna have to switch to Cow 'n' Chow for life.

Hego: I don't want to be a complex boy-boy-boy-boy, boy-boy-boy.
Kim: He’s your hero.
Ron: (Clears throat)
Hego: Oh hi, just doing the hero diet thing. Bananas, healthy, loaded with potassium, yellow.
Ron: Uh yeah ... look, sorry to interrupt 'me time,' Hego, but I really need your help.
Hego: Team Go is sworn to assist in any conundrum.
Kim: Um, where are the rest of Team Go?
Hego: Heroes cruise. I opted to stay here and, y'know, hold down the fort.
Kim: couldn't get anyone to switch your shift at Bueno Nacho, huh?
Hego: Sometimes having a mild-mannered alter ego isn’t all its cracked up to be.
Ron: Okay, so um, I need to write a paper on my hero and um --
Hego: The old hero topic, eh? Say no more. Now, let me begin my mentioning being a hero carries with it a plethora of responsibilities. That’s p-l-e-t-h ... are you getting this down? (Alert signal) It’s the Mayor!
Kim: No, really?
Mayor: Lookth like we’ve got uth a thituation here, Hego. Your old numerical nemethith ith thcaring the thpit out of the thitizens of Go Thity.
Hego: You don't mean ...
Mayor: Yeth Hego, the Mathter.
Ron: The Mathter?
Kim: Ron, don't make fun, he means the master.
Hego: No, he means the Mathter.
Mayor: That’th what I thaid, ithn’t it? The Mathter.
Ron: See?
Kim: Um, okay, so what exactly is a Mathter?
Ron: He’s like a homework villain?
Hego: Pay heed, the man you see before you is not to be taken lightly. He’s been bent on revenge ever since Go City denied him funding for his unethical mathematical experiments.
Ron: Unethical mathematical experiments?
Kim: Right. So maybe you could use a hand with this um, math villain guy?
Hego: Okay but we better hurry before the Mathter does a number on Go City.
Kim: Yes, number, I get it.
Ron: Hey, wait wait! What about my interview?

Ron: Okay, so tell me, how long does your basic, average hero career last?
Mathter: Now, witness as I proceed to subtract Go City element by element until it is no longer a factor.
Kim: Math threats?
Hego: Stand back, there’s no telling what the Mathter has up his sleeve.
Ron: Grr, I always knew math was the enemy.
Mathter: Time to add the calcu-laser to this equation.
Woman: Get out of the way!
Hego: Fear not, citizens! Help has arrived!
Mathter: Ha! New sidekicks, Hego? No matter. Coefficients, subtract them!
Ron: okay, I'm a sidekick, admittedly, but she’s ... well you’ll see. Wow, now that was superbly heroic, man! What do you call that move?
Hego: I'm not sure.
Ron: Come on, I need your cooperation if this is gonna be any kind of hard hitting interview.
Hego: Sorry, but I have some hard hitting of my own to do right now.
Ron: Oh, nice play on words, big guy ... and under pressure too. That is so going in the paper.
Mathter: Oh, can’t count on anyone these days. Let me throw some numbers at you.
Hego: Four!
Mathter: Oh, these ought to get my point across. My decimal point!
Ron: Okay, question: is there like a school people go to to take hero classes? Hey!
Mathter: Oh, brackets! It seems I need to add a new element to my assault.
Ron: Good medical, y'know, for heroes? Hey! That cost twenty bucks!
Mathter: NO! no, no, no! No variables! I'm putting a place holder in my memory for you, boy. This isn’t the last you’ve seen of the Mathter!
Kim: Okay, lame villain.
Ron: But I like the hat.

Mrs. Stoppable: Ronald, do you know what’s gotten into your father lately?
Ron: Can’t talk, typing hero report.
Mrs. Stoppable: First the cape, now he’s joined the Middleton Search and Rescue. It’s risky behavior for an actuary.
Ron: Hadn’t noticed.
Mrs. Stoppable: I just hate to think about him out there in the wilderness with all those wild animals.
Ron: Eh, he’ll be fine.
Mr. Stoppable: Help! Heeelllp!
Ron: Hey, hey, No, no, you can’t crash now! My report! No my report!
Rufus: Ow, ow, ow!
Ron: Oh man, like I have time for a systems failure! I'm late for school as it is.

Ron: Can you believe it, KP? Just when I was making major headway, crash city! I mean what am I gonna tell --

Barkin: Hold it right there, Stoppable.
Ron: Mr. Barkin?
Barkin: What exactly do you think you're doing?
Ron: Uh, dutifully heading to class.
Barkin: Really? Well, according to my records you're no longer registered in this school and therefore no longer in the class.
Ron: Okay, you think you can explain that a little further?
Barkin: Do I have to spell it out for you?
Kim: Spelling out’s best.
Barkin: You, Ron Stoppable, are not on the list of enrolled students so, technically, you do not exist.
Ron: Wait a minute, of course I exist, I mean hello? I'm right here in front of you.
Barkin: So I smell. But the list is law, and I am not going to argue with the computer. Maybe it knows something I don't.
Ron: No doubt, but ... oh! Wait a minute, so if I'm not in the class, then I'm not required to do the paper, right?
Barkin: Wroonnnng! You were given the assignment when you still existed. Now if I were you; I’d utilize my newly found free time to get to work!

Kim: don't worry, Ron, it’s probably just a glitch in the system. We’ll straighten it out before you can say no big.
Ron: I don't know KP, first the computer thing then the school records, I mean could --.
Kim: This day get any worse? It will if you say that.
Ron: Hi, do you think I can get my check? Stoppable, Ron.
Guy: Yeah, sorry there is no check here for you.
Kim: Here we go.
Ron: What? Well can you look again? The name’s Ron, as in Stoppable.
Guy: Whoa dude, aren’t you listening? I told you there’s no check, as in y'know, for you.
Kim: Maybe thinking it is enough?
Guy: Oh and what do you know? It looks like you’re not on the employee roster either, so on your next visit it might be best if you returned your Smarty Mart hat and Smarty smock.
Ron: But I work here!
Guy: Okay, not according to the roster, but if you'd like you can fill out an application.
Ron: Maybe I don't exist and this is all a dream? But whose dream?
Kim: Okay, that does it. Wade, we’ve got a mystery sitch, it looks like Ron’s off the grid.
Wade: I'm already on it. Uh-oh.
Ron: Uh-oh good, or uh-oh bad?
Kim: When is uh-oh ever good?
Ron: I don't know, maybe this time?
Wade: No school records, no driving records, no work records, nada. It’s like all traces of his existence have been erased.
Ron: Uh-oh, still bad.
Kim: But who would want to erase Ron?
Mathter: Mwa ha ha! don't you mean subtract?
Ron: Oh great, now the math guy’s back.
Kim: And he’s not even our villain.

Hego: (In Mego's voice) we're so sorry you couldn't come with us on the Heroes Vacation cruise, Hego.
Hego: Oh it’s okay Mego, there’ll be other cruises, other joyous occasions to bond as a family.
Hego: (In Wego's voice) But we really do miss you, Hego.
Hego: I know, Wego, but someone had to look after the place, y'know, keep vigil, do some light housekeeping… I am so lonely.
Wade: Uh Hego?
Hego: Oh hi, yes. Oh don't mind these, just a standard hero pastime. Keeps the fingers nimble. One two, one two, one two.
Wade: Right. Anyways I thought you should know the Mathter is up to more mathematical mischief in Middleton.
Hego: Oo, impressive use of alliteration. I'm on my way. Sorry guys, duty calls.

Mathter: Tres! Oh why don't you just relax and have some Pi?
Ron: Kim!
Mathter: Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Now it’s your turn to feel the full wrath of my math.
Ron: okay um, sure could use, I don't know, a hero right about now.
Mathter: Now prepare to be subtracted entirely because --
Ron: Because what? My number's up?
Mathter: Oh! Yes.
Ron: Dude, how could you be so hepped up about math? Not that I'm judging.
Mathter: Oh yes, I've worked out a very special calculation for you, my meddling little friend.
Kim: That’s right, math freak, nobody messes with my boyfriend.
Mathter: Nevertheless, you’ll soon discover I've left your boyfriend with a new problem to solve.
Hego: Fear not, Hego is here.
Kim: Okay, you might want to work on your timing. Are those seahorses?
Mathter: Oh, now there are simply too many variables in this equation.
Ron: Oh! I got to get hooked up with one of those copter hats!
Kim: Ron, are you okay?
Ron: Seem to be. Ha ha, Calcu-laser ... Yeah, whatever.
Hego: You didn't happen to notice the Mathter affixing his weapon to any special setting, did you?
Ron: Um, not really, why? Ah! Hey wow! Okay, so why the exploding?
Hego: Oh no, it’s just as I feared.
Kim: And you feared what?
Hego: Do you want the good news or bad news first?
Kim: Surprise me.
Hego: The Mathter has used a diabolical equation to turn Ron into an anti-matter boy.
Ron: Awesome!
Hego: Everything you touch will explode into complete and utter nothingness.
Ron: So that’s not the good news, then?
Kim: What is?
Hego: Hanging with Ron will be a blast.
Ron: Oh it’s wet!
Kim: Okay, not blown away by the upside.

Kim: Thanks for setting us up with a kicking anti anti-matter containment bubble, Dad. Just another reason why you’re my hero.
Mr. Dr. P: Anything for my Kimmie-cub. Besides, this old thing was just taking up space in the attic anyway.
Ron: Grr, I always thought hamster balls looked fun from the outside.
Kim: Wade and Hego are on the Mathter hunt, Ron. Just try to make the best of it for now, okay? (Kimmunicator) Hey Wade, good news?
Wade: No word on the Mathter yet, but I was able to enter Ron’s info back into the global network.
Ron: Great, I can go back to school, in a ball.

Ron: Oh yeah this is how I roll!
Kim: Um, okay, maybe the whole 'trying to act cool' thing isn’t your best option right now.
Ron: Look KP, you wanted me to make the best of it, didn't you?
Bonnie: No, it’s too easy.

Ron: The most humiliating day of my life, a-ding-ding-ding-ding we have a new winner.
Kim: What about the time you parachuted into the UN without your pants?
Ron: Not even close. The 'I'm all about comfort' excuse brought the security counsel dress code into the 21st century.
Kim: See, there’s an upside to everything. (Kimmunicator) We need an upside, Wade.
Wade: Then you’re in luck, I've detected a high concentration of computational energy on the equator. Zero degrees longitude, zero degrees latitude, which would place the Mathter’s HQ here. Hego should be by any minute in the Go Car to pick you up.
Kim: Thanks Wade, we can use all the hero help we can get.
Ron: Whoa, Dad, what happened to you?
Mr. Stoppable: didn't I tell you? Today I volunteered at the fire department.
Kim: Seriously! You mean, like, in the field?
Mr. Stoppable: No, in the kitchen. I made them lunch.
Kim: Then how did you --
Mr. Stoppable: Oh I um, I started a grease fire. So, what’s with the bubble?
Ron: Yeah, oh hey ride’s here, Dad, wish us luck. Little help, Kim! don't wait up, Dad.
Mr. Stoppable: Wait! I want to help!
Ron: Dad?
Mr. Stoppable: Listen Ronald, I'm not letting you go without me, no one puts my boy in a bubble.
Ron: Uh, no capes?
Mr. Stoppable: Deal.

Mr. Stoppable: So, this is what a villain’s lair looks like. I wonder if he’s self insured?
Hego: Shh, be extremely cautious. The Mathter has many tricks up his sleeve and our next step could very well be our last.
Kim: You so asked for this.
Hego: We need a shield!
Kim: Use Ron's!
Ron: What? Hey whoa!
Kim: Now the last hallway doesn't seem so bad.
Ron: What are we gonna do?
Kim: Hego, roll Ron after my lead, Mr. S, stick with the big guy.
Mr. Stoppable: Got it.
Kim: Rufus, do whatever it is you do.

Kim: The calcu-laser!
Ron: Look, it’s in a bubble too!
Kim: Come on, we've got to change Ron back to normal before the Mathter makes an appearance.
Mathter: Welcome! I am so glad you’re here. Now we can continue our little numbers game.
Kim: Okay, one more lame-o math reference and I'm going to lose it!
Mathter: Perhaps I can enlighten you with my flash cards.
Kim: Let me guess. (Bright flash of light) Yep, that was my guess. Game’s over, Mathter.
Mathter: Minus that, girly. we're just getting started. What you fail to realize is that we are standing in the culmination of my mathematical genius. The Infinity Dome! In this experimental cognitive energy redoubling chamber cerebral pulsations and thought waves can be exponentially intensified to form lethal streams of energy.
Ron: Dome ... right ... what?
Mr. Stoppable: He can turn his twisted math mind into a weapon, Ronald.
Mathter: Very good, now who amongst you dares to challenge the Mathter at his own game?
Kim: Sorry, I prefer to do things the old fashioned way.
Hego: Kim, No!
Mathter: H ha ha ha! That was so cute, too easy! Nobody is worthy to stand in the same experimental cognitive energy redoubling chamber as the Mathter. Prepare to be subtracted.
Mr. Stoppable: Uh, excuse me, I’ll take that challenge.
Ron: Dad, no!
Mr. Stoppable: Ronald, crunching numbers is what I do.
Mathter: Oh, and what kind of hero are you?
Mr. Stoppable: I'm no hero. I'm actuary of the year.
Kim: Okay, did you have any idea your dad had it in him?
Ron: No, but then again, who knew we’d be facing a crazed math villain?
Kim: Yep, so convenient.
Ron: See, they should totally teach this way in trig!
Kim: Totally.
Ron: Come on, Dad, you are a hero!
Mathter: How? How were you ever able to calculate my every move?
Mr. Stoppable: It was easy, I did the math.
Mathter: Brackets!
Ron: Boo-ya, Dad! Way to teach the bad guy a lesson Stoppable style!
Kim: Speaking of Stoppable style, let’s see if I can get this thing to work.
Ron: Hey hey, all right! Whoa! Oh yeah oh hey, that’s nice.
Kim: I was starting to think I’d never get to do that again.
Ron: Hey buddy, you know from now on, no hamster balls for either of us.
Hego: Well, I guess I’ll take it from here. And don't worry, Ron. As soon as this mess is cleared up, I’ll be more than happy to help you with the rest of your paper.
Ron: Sorry Hego, but it looks like I found myself a new subject for my paper.
Mr. Stoppable: You mean it? I’ll get my cape.
Ron: No capes!

Barkin: Interesting report you turned in there, Stoppable. Your dad, A.K.A hero, is a uh a Member of the Middleton Search and Rescue?
Ron: Yep.
Barkin: Also volunteers at the local fire department.
Ron: Affirmative.
Barkin: And while in the confines of a certain Infinity Dome he can convert pure mathematical thought into blasts of energy that fire out of his skull?
Ron: Yeah, it’s an actuary thing.
Barkin: I see ... Your dad rocks! A+!