General Discussion 4

[Fireand'chutes77]

I went to our first home football game this Friday, in the pouring rain. Our team won, although narrowly; my sister hadn't brought a hat, umbrella, or rain jacket, and she whined so much we left in the 3rd quarter. I'd at least worn a rain jacket and a baseball cap; however, wearing the jacket's hood wasn't "cool" in the student section, so my neck and hat got soaked. The other team nearly caught us during the 4th quarter - came within a few yards of a touchdown and a tie with the extra point to win - but they fumbled and we held them off. At least at the end of a game I had a nice warm house to go home to; my Scout troop had left that night for a campout at a local camp (I would join them Saturday morning) and they had to set up in the dark and the rain.

On a side note, I might -might- have a potential date for Homecoming... The girl in interest had been in my World History II class as a sophomore during my freshman year. It didn't develop beyond a friendship born from seeing the same person in class every day, and we haven't had classes together since and I haven't gotten the chance to have a real conversation. However, we still smile at each other in the hallways (which I'd like to interpret as a hopeful sign :P), and she's a senior this year - her last year and my last chance - so I figured what the heck. I've been trying to do my research - find out if she's already connected, etc - but she doesn't seem to have a MySpace or Facebook page so far as I can see. We passed each other in a vacant stretch of hall Friday, we smiled, said 'hi,' and then were out of range before I realized what had happened and my brain could say, "No, stupid, no! You should've asked her! "

However, things took a turn at the football game. I was discussing the subject with a friend (…Hmmm…. Say…. You don’t happen to know [girl’s name], do you…?) when a friend of hers overhead me. She offered to actually ask the girl, as they were on the soccer team together and I said yes. (At least, I hope I indicated yes. Excitement over the possibility seems to have faded what actually happened.) She then withdrew her cell phone and offered to call the girl right now, as we stood in the stands. I felt that was taking things a little too far too fast, and reacted “Ack!”. I’m just hoping that she didn’t interpret that wrong and will still contact the girl…


And so that’s how it stands at the moment. I’m relieved that I didn’t have to take the initial “deep breath, then the plunge,” to paraphrase Ann Possible, but I also realize it puts me at something of a disadvantage. So far, I don’t have the experience of a one-on-one make-or-break, so I might be at a disadvantage when it inevitably rolls around. The middleman approach complicates things considerably. And I don’t have the dull, downward thunk in your stomach generated by a “no,” which, I think, is pretty much vital to experience, deal with, and get over if one wants to learn to date successfully in the future.

I’m not trying too enthusiastic because I haven’t gotten an answer yet, maintaining only a cool hope, but if this *does* work, it will be my first-ever date. Which tempers my enthusiasm with a sense of “Oh ----! What in the world do I do?! ”

So, uh….What do I do? Girls…? Any tips…?

At least I have a better record than my dad. He was such a sports nut that he was like “Girls? Huh?” until about sophomore year in college. Needless to say, he’s trying to encourage me to take the plunge into the world of girls and relationships a bit sooner than that. And considering he went until college without a date, there’s still hope for me!

To quote the news agencies, details to follow as the sitch develops…

[campy]

To quote the news agencies, details to follow as the sitch develops…

Exciting news, 'chutes! The only advice I can offer is to get the DJ to play Could It Be and see what develops.

[AinoMinako]

So, uh….What do I do? Girls…? Any tips…?

That's a pretty broad question. Specifics?

Ask her. That's generally the first step in getting a date.

If she says yes, find out what color her dress is. As it's (presumably) a formal dance, you'll need to get a corsage that matches. Also, if you're going to dinner before the dance find out what kind of food she likes and if there's some special criteria (if she's a vegetarian, don't take her to a steakhouse, etc.). I'd have a few things you could talk about prepared.

[GoTeamGirl]

That's exciting, 'Chutes, and a bit nerve wracking. I haven't been out on any date, but the advice above looks good. I hope it all works out.

[TransWarpDrive]

So, uh….What do I do? Girls…? Any tips…?

That's a pretty broad question. Specifics?

Ask her. That's generally the first step in getting a date.

If she says yes, find out what color her dress is. As it's (presumably) a formal dance, you'll need to get a corsage that matches. Also, if you're going to dinner before the dance find out what kind of food she likes and if there's some special criteria (if she's a vegetarian, don't take her to a steakhouse, etc.). I'd have a few things you could talk about prepared.

Aino has some good advice here, 'chutes. I'd like to add some tips of my own.
First, be ultra-courteous. Hold the door open for her; pull her chair out for her to be seated at dinner; offer her your arm to hold onto as you escort her into the dance. Old-fashioned as these might sound, they work. The ladies appreciate the gallantry these gestures represent, and they're likely to consider the guy who does them a true gentleman.
As for conversation topics, you might want to start with what the two of you have in common. For instance, the WWII History class you both attended a while back. You could also talk about people you both know in school, or what extracurricular activities you participate in; that sort of thing. Just get the ball rolling by talking about something, and don't worry about feeling nervous. The more you talk, the more you'll relax and before you know it, you're having a good time.
If you don't know how to dance, well, it might be a little late for lessons, so all I can suggest there is just keep in time to the beat and fake it (that's what I do ). No one will notice; they'll all be busy doing the same thing! As long as you're having fun and the girl is too, who cares if you're not the world's best dancer?
One last thing: Be sure to get the girl home on time. Nothing impresses a girl's parents more than a responsible young man who honors a curfew. If you and she hit it off and want to continue dating, having her parents' trust and respect is an absolute must.
Well, that's all I can think of right now. Besides, it's getting late and I have to get up early for work tomorrow. So, good night and good luck!

[Monstrorrendinformingens]

That's a lot of talk for a not too sure event. But I guess it's worth it if you think it is. Having no experience in anything of that kind first person I might give silly side commentary.
Remember TWD's arm thing? Go left! It actually makes sense - whenever you walk with a person who deserves your respect. (Even if you don't wear shield and sword.:P)

[jeriddian]

You've gotten some good tips here, 'chutes. Just remember to take Mrs. Dr. P's advice and just be yourself.

[Cloud23465]

Yeah, and dont forget to breathe :P. I've taken a few stabs at some girls myself and I know when I got nervious it was hard to breathe. Hopefully you wont have that problem.

[Monstrorrendinformingens]

Funny thing, we're teaching an Honored Elder how he might deal with a girl.

[lunchmeat]

Remember, the whole point of this is for both of you to have fun, so try to relax a bit (it's not a movie, you don't have to come back engaged ). You'll both probably be a little nervous, so don't let it get to you, it will pass.

A clean joke or humorous anecdote might help here (note: most girls aren't that crazy about **** jokes, hearing the entire dialogue to Monty Python and the Holy Grail or the stats for the 1898 Black Sox). Generally I do something clever like fall off the curb or step in a hole (I don't plan these things, they just happen). Didn't you once mention playing soccer? That might be a start for topics.

You might even try a pre-date date, something really casual that you both like to do, just to get to know each other a little better. Plus it's a good way to find out things like what she's going to wear to the dance and preferences in food and beveredges (not those kind of beveredges, behave yourself...). You can also get some insight into her interests and conversational style (one of you is going to have to talk, staring blankly into space is bad form), it's better if you can get her to talk, most people like someone who will listen to them. It's important to actually pay attention (if she turns out to be someone that you want to spend more time with, you will be talking a lot, this is a good time to find out if they will be conversations that you are interested in). A predate could be something like the library, meeting her after soccer for a light meal, if you're both interested in history, a museum, since you're in VA (I've forgot which part, but there's no shortage of historical stuff around here, anyway), a walk at one of the battlefields. Nothing serious, just what used to be known as a light entertainment.

Focus your attention on her (this should be the easy part), she's the reason you're there, but don't stare, especially below the neckline. If you like something she's wearing, say so, without being too forward about it. (EG: malachite earrings: I really like that shade of green rather than Oooh, ears!). Don't make stuff up though, it'll ring false. Smile some (this should be easy, too, just don't leer).

Whilst dancing, if it's a slow dance do the best you can to follow the beat (I have no sense of rhythm, myself, so I know this can be tough), hold her lightly, you're not wrestling, place your right hand slightly above the small of her back and hold her right hand in your left. Lead gently and pay attention to how she moves and try to use the same patterns. Wear something with big pockets, it's not uncommon to end up with her shoes for safekeeping about halfway through the evening (can't blame 'em, heels look like they'd be mighty uncomfortable). They don't do the gallope anymore, so don't drag her around the dance floor like she's some sort of miniature target sled. Try not to step on her feet (a challenge if you have feet and poise like I do). Try to gauge when she wants to take a break then escort her to the refreshments.
Do not stick your hands in her pockets (I don't think you would, but I have a buddy that does this in dance clubs and then can't understand why most of the girls ditch him, apparently it's a California thing).

Hygene, dude, you don't want to be remembered as the guy who appeared to have been cutting fish bait on the way to the dance.

Before hand avoid foods that make you, er, windy. That can really bring a conversation to an abrupt stand still. In other words, no Bueno Nacho for you sports fans.

Mutual friends are a potential source of pre strike intelligence, her likes, dislikes, food preferences and so forth. Don't get carried away, half the fun of the process is getting to know a new person but a general clue is helpful.

If she had a good time and wants to see you again, don't forget to call (you can't use my excuse for forgetting, you won't be going on deployment afterwards).

Good luck with it and remember: if it works out, great! you've just made yourself a new friend; if it doesn't, you both should have had a pleasant evening, nobody gets shot afterwards and you've inched up the learning curve for the next time.